April: How can I tell her I'm leaving when I don't even know what job I want? Babe, I wish you were coming with me.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I just decided what I am going to do while April is out of town. I'm going to round up the team and find her a new job. [on the phone] Yeah, Ben Wyatt please? Tell him it's Count Chocula. Uh, no it's Andrew Dwyer. I'm sorry.

Andy: Well, both me and Ben are trying to help April find a new job, and we thought maybe she could work for you. I feel like it would be a perfect fit. Although, I don't know exactly what you guys do here. I'm guessing... it's a business? Assassins? Hit men? Doctors. You guys are doctors.
Ron Swanson: We build things.

Andy: Ooh, yeah! Let's grab some lunch and some ice cream! Then maybe some after ice cream tacos? We'll just brainstorm and maybe grab some snacks.

April: And we hope you agree that this is the best plan to preserve national parks' funding into the next decade.
Barbara Boxer: Well, so Leslie, what do you think? Is--is this the right move?
Leslie Knope: Well, I think it's the only move, Senator Boxer. I don't think this chance is gonna come around again.
Barbara Boxer: Well, you know, if it's good with Leslie, it's good with me.
Leslie Knope: Well, I have another great idea. How about you and me, April, Randy, historical lamp posts of D.C.? Walking tour starts in 15 minutes.
Barbara Boxer: Sounds great, but, uh, I do have an appointment with the President.
Leslie Knope: Can we come?

Randy: So we think we can keep costs down and still meet deadlines.
Kirsten Gillibrand: You know, I have to say I'm really impressed with what you guys are doing over at Interior.
Leslie Knope: Thank you, Senator Gillibrand, we really appreciate your support. Would you mind signing a copy of your book?
Kirsten Gillibrand: Oh, of course, of course.
Leslie Knope: I took the liberty of writing the inscription. All you have to do is sign.
Kirsten Gillibrand: "To Leslie, my inspiration, my muse, my partner in crime. I owe it all to you."
Leslie Knope: And there's room for a P.S. if you feel there's more you left out.
Kirsten Gillibrand: Well, I think I've said all I wanna say right here.
Leslie Knope: Okay.
Kirsten Gillibrand: Okay.

Leslie Knope: Well, I just have to say I'm very surprised that the two of you are seeing eye to eye on this one.
Orrin Hatch: Well, Senator Booker and I are both concerned about our nation's resources. And that absolutely includes our national parks.
Cory Booker: But that's not all we have in common. In fact, our real passion is...
Both: Polynesian folk music.
Leslie Knope: W- What?
Orrin Hatch: Polynesian folk music. Our band is playing in Georgetown tonight if you'd like to come. We're called "Across the Isle."
Cory Booker: Did you get that? Aisle? Isle? Like an island and then across the aisle, the political aisle. It's like a pun. It's a play on words.
Leslie Knope: I do get it.
Cory Booker: Are you sure?
April: We are definitely coming to this.
Orrin Hatch: It's $8.00 if you buy your tickets now. It's $10.00 at the door.
Cory Booker: Fiscal conservative. Love this guy. Love this guy.
Orrin Hatch: Yeah.

Ron Swanson: April Ludgate Dwyer. She worked on the Gryzzl deal that you guys did the finances for.
Ben: Now, I know that you're opening up a consulting wing, and we just think that April would be a great hire.
Andy: Yeah, and here's the thing, Barney. We're obviously very familiar with what consulting is but why don't you go ahead and tell my friends here, because I don't think that they know.
Barney: Well, it's really about finding creative solutions to difficult problems. Now, a lot of times there's firings, so... consultants aren't exactly well liked.
Andy: Holy crap. This is the job for her, I can feel it. She'll take it! Now let's talk perks. Does she get the summers off? Is it like school?
Ron Swanson: Son.
Barney: Well, what did she major in? Economics? Accounting?
Andy: She designed her own major. "Halloween Studies."

Randy: So, anyway, the good news for you is we'd like to promote you to Deputy Director of Operations and Interior.
Leslie Knope: Wow.
Randy: You'd have to move to D.C. and you have to complete the Senior Executive Service Candidate Development program.
Leslie Knope: I have to enroll in S.E.S.C.D.P.? 44 weeks of intensive courses and note taking? Um, it's a dream come true.
Randy: And I have to warn you, there'll be a confirmation hearing.
Leslie Knope: A confirmation hearing? A freaking confirmation hearing? Excuse me a second. [using her drink as a microphone] What's that? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Um, to the best of my recollection, yes, I accept the job.

Ron Swanson: We need to highlight April's strengths. I thought we could update her resume. This is the one she applied to Parks with. It's just a signed photograph of a puppet named Alf.

Jerry: Okay, copies are made. Um, everything has been collated and stapled. And all the research has been double-checked. [laughs] I went through quite a few staples.