Leslie Knope: I mean, Ben's life is filled with senators and briefings and Super PACs. I can't even get a meeting with some bureaucrat.
Andy: [laughs] I don't even know what a bureaucrat is. Everything's going to be fine with you and Ben, because if I know Ben, he, too, is an amalgam.
Leslie Knope: No.
Andy: Yeah. Point is, you're better than Hot Rebecca. You're kickass Leslie. Long-distance relationships are never easy, but you never, ever give up on stuff.
Leslie Knope: Thanks.
Andy: That's what makes you...
Leslie Knope: Nope.
Andy: An amalgam. Nailed it.

Andy: The White House, America's most whitest house, most notably is where Sinbad lived in the film First Kid.
April: Sinbad, wow. The other tour guide never said anything about that.
Andy: Do you know why it's called the Oval Office?
April: No.
Andy: Because of a man-- Oval Redenbacher...
April: What?
Andy: Popcorn inventor. He used to hang out with John F. Kennedy.
April: Excuse me. Attention, everyone. This tour guide is the most amazing tour guide there ever was. Please, step up. $200 cash up front.

Leslie Knope: Washington, D.C. Take a deep breath, Andy. I mean, you can practically smell the bills becoming laws.
Andy: Yeah.
Leslie Knope: You can taste the sweet sugar of bureaucracy at work.
Andy: That building looks like a boob.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, well, it's not.
Andy: Oh, yeah, I know. It's the White House.
Leslie Knope: No. It's the Capitol.

Chris: [aside to camera] I offered Ron a job last month, and he turned me down. And it literally broke my heart. But now I see that this is truly where he belongs. Way to be, Ron! You're really getting it done, man! He can't hear me.

Leslie Knope: Andy, get down from there.
Andy: Hey, Leslie. Is this the train from Back to the Future III?
Leslie Knope: Get down from there.
Andy: I think it is.
Security Guard: Hey, buddy. Come on down from there for me, please.
Leslie Knope: Sir, you protect our nation's history, and you're a hero.
Andy: Yeah, a hero with something to hide, like probably a treasure map.

Leslie Knope: I thought maybe we could sightsee together.
Ben: I know. I have, like, 1,000 meetings. But I just wanted to come wish you luck before your presentation. Oh, but you know what you should see while you're here is George Washington's fare--
Leslie Knope: Farewell address candle stand. That was the first thing I was going to see.
Ben: God, I love you so much. Come to my office as soon as you're done, okay?
Leslie Knope: Okay. And it was nice to see you again.
Ben: Are you talking to my butt?
Leslie Knope: [giggles] Yes.

Andy: This is amazing. Look at this. This whole place is your office.
Ben: Nope. This is my office.
April: Ben, you're fired. It's my office now.
Andy: Boom. You heard the boss. Scram, Wyatt.

Andy: There's so much free food at this party, honey. I love politics. Look, I made a shrimp claw.
April: I'm really proud of you, babe. Now put your used plate in my purse. I almost have a complete set.
Andy: Really? Oh, my God. You're so smart.

Ann: I guess that's it.
Tom: Yep. The end of a relationship. And the beginning of a partnership. Let's talk "Sparkle Skin." Do we know anyone in product development over at Sephora?
Ann: Good-bye, Tom.

Andy: Here's a picture of me and April making out in her apartment.
Leslie Knope: Oh.
Andy: Here's a picture of us making out in Ben's office. This is a picture- Oh, this is us making out- I don't know where that is, but you can tell that she's sucking on my lip. [laughs] Traveling.