Leslie Knope: So I want to see the history of the Girl Scouts and then Lincoln's pocket watch and the First Ladies exhibit and everything... I want to see everything.

Ann: Oh, my God. Food. Food.
Ron Swanson: Yes, I am returned. No. Not so fast, Shirley. I just have to thaw the meat, season it, and grill it up. So it's going to be a few hours. [all groan]
Tom: No, Ron. My tummy's rumbling. It's scary. Tommy's got the tum-rums.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Ben and I are a power couple, like the Roosevelts or the Clintons. I've got a big meeting here. Ben is off running a congressional campaign. I mean, the only way we could be more awesome is if we had our own signature dance move. Oh, wait. We do. Three, four.

Leslie Knope: I'm Leslie Knope. I have a 3:00 with Mr. Jepson.
Lucinda: What's this in reference to?
Leslie Knope: I'm here to present my application for the Federal Riverbed Preservation Grant.
Lucinda: Oh. Most people just mail their applications in.
Leslie Knope: [chuckles] I'm not most people.

Lucinda: Mr. Jepson actually had to step out for the day. You can just add your proposal to that pile there.
Leslie Knope: Oh, uh, I'm sorry. I was told I would have a face-to-face meeting with him so I could make my case for my town. Does he have office hours?
Lucinda: He's unavailable for the rest of the week. But you can just add the proposal. He'll get to it.
Leslie Knope: Oh... Okay. It's kind of a special application. Uh, you know, there's a-a CD inside that, uh, plays the sound of a babbling river, and I was going to play that while I gave my presentation. I was also going to show a DVD that had some images of frolicking river otters.
Lucinda: You know what? I-I'll make sure he reads it. What city is it for?
Leslie Knope: Pawnee.
Lucinda: Is that Pawnee, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Oklahoma, or Texas?
Leslie Knope: [softly] Indiana.

Ben: ell, I have a surprise for you. Uh, there's a swanky D.C. Cocktail party at the Hay-Adams, and I got us all on the list.
Leslie Knope: Wow, look at you. You're a big shot.
Andy: Hey, uh, Benjamin, how fancy is this party tonight? I mean, is this, like, a shorts or a pants kind of gala?
Ben: Pants.
Andy: Great. Could we just real quick stop at the nearest place that has free pants?

Tom: Ron, can I have a burger? I'm hungry.
Ron Swanson: For the last time, no burgers yet. I've got ribs, and I've got beef cheek.
Chris: Ron, where are my vegan soy patties?
Ron Swanson: Oh, I gave them to the kids. They love them. They're skipping them across the pond.

Ben: Excuse me, Senators? Ben Wyatt, from Congressman Murray's campaign.
Barbara Boxer: Ben, I remember you from the Kennedy Center.
Ben: That's right.
Barbara Boxer: Yeah.
Ben: I wanted to introduce my friend Leslie Knope. Senators Barbara Boxer and Olympia Snow.
Olympia Snowe: A pleasure to meet you.
Leslie Knope: How do you do?
Barbara Boxer: So, Leslie, what do you do?
Leslie Knope: I am a city councilwoman from Pawnee, Indiana. But you've probably never heard of us. We're small and unimportant.
Olympia Snowe: I'm sure that's not true.
Leslie Knope: But it is. We've got tons of problems. We're overrun with raccoons and obese toddlers. Anyway, I'm probably boring you. I just wanted to say that you are my role models, and, uh, you are incredibly amazing women, and it is an honor to meet you, and I really respect your grace under pressure, [voice breaking] and thank you for your time.
Ben: Excuse me, Senators.

Tom: Ann, what the hell?
Ann: [laughs] I put glitter in all your moisturizers and lotions. I'm calling it "Sparkle Skin", by Annie. Twinkle, twinkle, big star.
Tom: Ann! That is an amazing idea, and I will buy it from you, but never do that again. That was really expensive moisturizer.
Ann: Yeah, well, you ruined all of my clothes.
Tom: Well, then, I did you a huge favor, 'cause they stink.

Donna: Oh, hello, lovers.
Ann: Oh. Tom! You're amazing! Kiss me more!
Tom: Uh-huh.
Donna: All right. Enough of this. Y'all broke up a long time ago, didn't you?
Tom: No. We're stronger than ever, so...
Donna: It's all right. I'ma let y'all have this one. As someone who has lied a lot about various aspects of a myriad of relationships, I respect the effort you've gone to. Let's call off the bet.
Tom: Thanks, Donna.
Donna: No problem.