Ann: Chris, we don't have to do this today. This was totally just sprung on us. Let's just take a moment. There's so many pamphlets to look at.
Chris: Yes, we do have very important pamphlet reading to do. Excellent idea, Ann Perkins. Do I keep this?
Ann: I don't know. It feels wrong to leave it here. Give it to me. [throws cup] I panicked. Run!

Gloria: Authorized personnel only.
Leslie Knope: Oh, they're with me. City Councilor Leslie Knope, clearance level four.
Gloria: Guests are only allowed on Wednesdays. And we don't have clearance levels.
Leslie Knope: I know, but shouldn't we? I mean, it sounds so cool. Anyway, we just need to get in there real quick and maybe take a picture. He's retiring as a city hall employee after 41 years, and it was his dream to eat here.
Gloria: His dream? Really? Still no.

Donna: Hey, if it isn't Filo Pilo.
Tom: Oh, real creative, Donna. You expect that to catch on?
April: Babe, the pen.
Tom: [laughs] Look at Andy. There's ink all over him. Andy's the new Jerry. Game over.
Andy: [laughs] Awesome. Hey, I'm like a giant squid. Hey, honey, I'm ink Dracula.
April: No, stop.
Andy: Squid Dracula is going to get you. [both scream]

Ben: Okay, you tried, but I took a day off to spend with you, not with you and Jerry and a dead mayor. Can we please just call it a day?
Leslie Knope: No, we can't because in a few short years, we're gonna be visiting Jerry here, and he will have achieved nothing. Is that what you want?
Ben: No.
Leslie Knope: Okay, then.

Ann: I would have never imagined the baby-making process to be this clinical. I mean, imagine if actual sex were like this.
Chris: Let me remove my clothes so we may begin to engage in physical activity to multiply our genes. And it's also weird because we dated and we remember what it's like to engage in some of those physical activities.
Ann: Exactly. And we were also pretty good at those physical activities.
Chris: Yes, we were. Yes, we were.
Ann: You know, is this all the pamphlets? 'Cause I think that maybe I have some left in my bedroom.
Chris: Oh, well, then, we should definitely go look for those.
Ann: Let's find those.
Chris: We need to find those.
Ann: Hurry.

Leslie Knope: Okay, everyone gather around.
Jerry: Leslie, I really appreciate this, but I did promise Gayle I would leave by 5:00. She has a tasty surprise waiting for me, if you know what I mean.
April: Gross, Jerry.
Jerry: She made a meatloaf.

Jerry: Well, thank you, guys. I'm not much of a speechmaker, but I do like good cake. Delicious.
Donna: Uh, you're on fire.
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God, Jerry!
Ben: Whoa. [Tom sprays a fire extinguisher] Well, that went roughly as well as I thought it would.
Jerry: I promised Gayle I'd leave at 5:00. I guess this is it. [laughs] Bye.
Andy: See you tomorrow, Jeremy.

Tom: Well, pretty heroic, huh, guys? Hard to make fun of that.
Andy: Oh, man, the cake. Filo Pilo ruined the cake.
April: Classic Pilo.
Tom: What how is that my fault? Stupid Jerry. Should have never saved his life.

Donna: So, you want to get out of here?
Taylor Mitsch: Work just started, Ms. Meagle.
Donna: Yeah, but our work is just beginning. You know what I'm saying?

Tom: Oh, Donna, who's the new boy toy?
Taylor Mitsch: I'm Taylor, the new intern.
Tom: This is the new intern? Are you kidding me?
April: Yeah, he went to high school with my sister, Natalie. He was a big deal on the football team.
Tom: Oh, meathead jock type, huh?
Taylor Mitsch: Actually, I quit football senior year so I could help my pastor run a homeless shelter.
Tom: Oh. Pfftt! This guy loves the homeless so much, he should marry them, right?