Leslie Knope: What? Chris and Ann? What are you two doing here?
Chris: We are on a date. And it is going phenomenally.
Leslie Knope: Thanks, but I'll stay for just one drink. I'm so happy I ran into you because I wanted to speak to you...
Ben: Well, well, well.
Chris: Ben. What a fun surprise.
Ben: Oh, that's right. You were coming here tonight on a date. And, hey, Leslie is joining you on this wonderfully romantic occasion. How 'bout that?

Leslie Knope: What are you doing here?
Ben: I'm just confirming a suspicion I had, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: What are you talking about? I had nothing to do with this date. They're both so beautiful. They probably just want to see each other naked.

Man: Hey, there. How's it going?
Chris: Great, thanks.
Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Chris: Oh, I'm very flattered, but this is my stunningly gorgeous date, Ann Perkins.
Man: Oh, hi.
Ann: Hi.
Man: Sorry.
Chris: Oh, no problem. In fact, let me buy all of you a drink for being so welcoming today. Waiter.

Bartender: On the house, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: Oh, thank you. [to Ben] I'm sort of a gay hero. Last year, I married two penguins at the zoo, and it turned out they were both gay.
Ben: Penguin wedding.
Leslie Knope: Mm-hmm.
Ben: That's cute.
Leslie Knope: It was so cute. But enough about how cute it was. Why don't you think I should have the money?

[montage:]
Tom: Foul!
Tom: Foul on number three for taking a number two on number four. [Andy laughs]
Tom: Roughing the passer.
Tom: Double dribbling. That's a foul.
Tom: That's a foul for touching the basketball.
Tom: What are you gonna do about it? Nothing. You fouled. You can't do anything.
Tom: Okay. You're ejected. You're ejected

Tom: Oh, what's the matter there, Ron? No players left? Yay, Andy's team! Look at 'em go!
Ron Swanson: Come on. Now you're openly cheering for the other team? Put my boys back in.
Tom: You made me the ref. Deal with it.
Ron Swanson: You know what? Take this uniform off. You don't deserve to wear it.
Tom: Ron's ejected for molesting the ref.
Ron Swanson: Oh, yeah? I'm ejected?
Tom: Yes, you are.
Wendy: Tom, what are you doing?
Tom: I'm ejecting you. You're ejected, too. Everyone's ejected.
Ron Swanson: Oh, yeah? She's ejected? Rrrraaaagh! [throws chair]
Tom: Go ahead, go. Well, that's a forfeit. Andy's team wins.

Leslie Knope: We're barely able to function. We could really use that money.
Chris: But you know, I don't know if it's because I'm in such a good mood, or because of the charming Ann Perkins, but I am going to seriously consider that.
Leslie Knope: Really? That's great. Mission accomplished. Let's boogie.
Chris: Mission accomplished?
Ben: Uh-oh.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. There's a mission, uh, that Ann had thought of. It was both of our ideas, but it was mostly Ann's. We... I had mentioned to Ann that it would be fun if you two went on a date. So then... You could, uh, talk about the money and then, you know, maybe give it to me.
Chris: Wow. I've just had my first bad date. [sadly] Ann Perkins.

Andy: April. Where have you been? Oh, my God.
April: Hey, how are you?
Andy: I'm okay. I'm dying to see you. I called and texted you, like, a billion times.
April: Oh, I'm sorry. I was in Venezuela.
Andy: Oh, really? Wow. [British accent] Across the pond.

Andy: Wow. I thought maybe I woulda heard from you at least once because of what happened. Ann kissing me? I'm so sorry about that. It was so stupid, and it meant nothing.
April: I wouldn't worry about it. It's totally fine. Hey. This is my boyfriend, Eduardo.
Andy: No, it's not.
April: ¿Listo para lonche?
Eduardo: Si.
April: That means we're going to lunch.
Andy: How do you say have a great time, don't choke on anything?
April: Bye.

Ann: Leslie asked me to do her a favor, and I love her, so I did it. I'm sorry, and I'm here to eat crow. I like you a lot. Let's go out again.
Chris: [warmly] Ann Perkins.