Councilman Jamm: Tongue baths? Eggplants? Firemen? Those men are heroes who deserve respect! 9/11! [cheers and applause] This is how Leslie Knope runs her Parks Department? We are going to hold hearing after hearing, until we are satisfied. This will be blown way out of proportion! You have my word on it!

April: So, you've gone insane. That's fun.
Tom: I just panicked. She's so out of my league, my brain just made me talk that way so I'd seem cooler. What should I do?
April: Nothing! This is amazing.
Tom: April.
April: Fine. If you want to have a chance with her, obviously, you have to stop. It's either that, or you talk like that for the rest of your life.
Tom: You think she'd marry me?

Ben: All right, just let me do the talking here, okay? I mean, he's a lawyer, I'm an accountant. We speak the same language. I mean, obviously, accountants are a little more bad boy, but, uh, there's a respect there.
Ron Swanson: When will this be over?

Councilman Dexhart: Ms. Meagle, let me first say that I am a big fan of your writing.
Donna: Thank you.
Councilman Dexhart: It's good stuff. Really good stuff.
Leslie Knope: Okay, does anyone else here see a double standard? Councilman Dexhart is currently being sued by two different women for sexual harassment, one of whom was the judge in the first woman's trial.
Councilman Dexhart: She was talking dirty to me.
Leslie Knope: She was reading the emails that you sent to the first woman.

Councilman Jamm: Okay, I would like to enter into the record a selection of Ms. Meagle's tweets.
Donna: Uh-oh. Uh, can I request a brief recess?
Leslie Knope: It's okay, Donna. I'm not gonna let them fire you.
Councilman Jamm: Yeah, it's not me I'm worried about. Ms. Beavers, if you please.
Ethel Beavers: Yesterday, 9:02 A.M. "Annoying-ass Leslie has given me another annoying-ass task. #stickers, #bitchboss." September 25th. "Twitter poll: On a scale of 98 to 100, how annoying is Leslie Knope? Cuz u know it ain't less than 98. All my #trueblood fans know what's up."
Councilman Jamm: Page after page of personal attacks on Leslie Knope. Not only do you have no control over your department, you don't even have the respect of your employees.

Leslie Knope: That's what you really think of me? You think I'm annoying?
Donna: Leslie, sometimes you're kind of annoying. I mean, I thought that was your thing.
Leslie Knope: My thing? My thing is not being annoying. My things are making friendship bracelets and dancing like nobody's watching, thinking up really cool nicknames for my friends. You of all people should know that, El Diablo!
Donna: Look, the only reason I'm even on Twitter is to blow off steam about work and tweet nasty stuff to dudes with washboard abs. You really think I hate you, after all we've been through the last ten years?
Leslie Knope: I honestly don't know anymore.

Chris: Leslie, I am sorry, but I could not postpone these pointless hearings that Jamm is having. He is just determined.
Leslie Knope: Well, thank you for trying. I have a question for you. Do you think I'm annoying?
Chris: No.
Leslie Knope: Are you lying?
Chris: No.
Leslie Knope: Are you trying to protect my feelings?
Chris: No.
Leslie Knope: Do you think I'm being annoying right now?
Chris: Yes.
Leslie Knope: So you do think I'm annoying.

Nadia: So, can I have my permit now? Finally?
Tom: Uh, no, there was a mistake, and we gave the park to someone else.
Nadia: What?
Tom: Maybe I can drive you around and we'll pick another one? Maybe I'll bring a picnic lunch. Do you like tamales?
Nadia: You said that that park was ours. You said it a long time ago, in a British accent. I probably shouldn't say this, as a doctor. It's probably not cool. But I really hope you all get West Nile virus. Nice meeting you, April. Kind of. You're weird too.
April: Thank you.

Leslie Knope: I'm sorry if I can be little annoying at times, but one person's annoying is another person's inspiring and heroic, so, you know, who are we to judge?
Donna: And I'm sorry for writing those things. Some of those things.
Leslie Knope: I can't promise that I won't be inspiring and heroic in the future.
Donna: And I can't promise that I won't complain about it.
Leslie Knope: Deal.

Leslie Knope: I got you an apology present.
Donna: Oh!
Leslie Knope: It is all of your favorite lipsticks and nail polishes, and I got the same ones too. I printed out a schedule, so we can wear them at the same time. Now, I would like you to open each one in front of me, and tell me how you feel about them individually.
Donna: Let me take a picture.
Leslie Knope: Are you tweeting this?
Donna: Mm-hmm.
Leslie Knope: What's the hashtag gonna be? "Boss bitch" or "bitch boss"?
Donna: Yeah, it's "psycho boss."
Leslie Knope: Eh, I don't hate that.