Remy: To be honest, I was expecting a lot worse, so just... Four people is fine. Just paint over the sex wall, and don't bother me any more.
Jess: Hey, sir, wait.
Nick: Jess, let.. let him go.
Jess: I just want to apologize on behalf of all of us for lying to you about how many people live here.
Schmidt: Stop reminding him.
Jess: But while you're up here, might as well just fix a few things. Please... Remy?
Remy: How did you know my name? They call you?
Jess: I saw your tattoo that says, "Hello, My Name is Remy," and I just... I took a leap of faith. Look, I know you're a good guy...
Remy: Okay, what do you... what do you want fixed?
Nick: Why don't you close your eyes and point at something?
Remy: Her. Not you.

Kim: Schmidt?
Schmidt: Yeah.
Kim: I need you to clean up my hard drive.
Schmidt: Okay, do you want me to reformat first?
Kim: I said, I need you... to clean up... my hard drive.

Remy: I should have seen a divorce coming. You know, we stopped doing the little things, like talking. One day, we were humping. Then everything changed. We weren't humping.
Jess: That must have been really hard.
Remy: You know, it was what it was.
Jess: Come on, Remy.
Remy: It was hard.
Jess: It was hard.

Jess: [to Nick] Why can't you admit you were wrong? I was nice, and now he's fixing our apartment.
Remy: [in a vest] I'm working up an appetite in there. Boy, I hope you don't mind the smell of a real man in your room. Let me know when you want to get started on that bed.
Jess: Okay. [to Nick] He's turning my mattress.

Jess: The funniest thing just happened. I was watching Remy fix the sink, and I got totally soaked.
Remy: You were so wet!
Jess: Man overboard! So I invited Remy over for dinner to thank him for all the stuff he's been doing around the apartment. Who's in?
Schmidt: I gotta... I...
Cece: I got a boat, so...
Remy: So, I guess it'll just be me and Jess.
Nick: Oh, no, Remy. I changed my mind; I'll be there. Just watching you.

Jess: Remy brought a bottle of... this?
Remy: I ferment things in the basement. I also make cheese.
Nick: Hm, you're not drinking that, Jess.
Jess: Yes, I am, Remy made it. [drinks, immediately spits out] Ahhh.
Remy: Think you can handle some, Nick?
Nick: Oh, I'm okay. Somebody needs to stay sober to fight you later.

Jess: Nick, be nice. How hard could it be to just open yourself up a little bit? Dip your toe in the pool of possibilities.
Remy: Yeah, Nick. Dip your toe.
Jess: You guys have a lot in common. Nick went through a break-up last year that was really hard on him. Schmidt said your mom had to fly out.
Nick: That was a scheduled trip.
Remy: Did you smell your girl on your sheets for months until they were too soaked through with your own sweat and tears?
Nick: No.
Remy: Did you punch out all the windows until you hit the wall and broke your hand? Did you go out, looking for companionship, a little human warmth, only to come to in the woods covered in animal blood?
Nick: In my own way.
Remy: Come here, man. [they hug] It's gonna be okay.

Nick: You see the way he's buttering me up so he can move in on you?
Jess: Why can't you just admit that you were wrong?
Nick: How have you lived this long on your own?
Jess: There is no part of that man that wants to sleep with me.
Nick: He's been creeping on you all night.
Jess: No, he hasn't been.
Nick: Open your eyes, like, I'm worried...
Jess: No!
Nick: Oh...
Jess: Hey, Remy, what happened to your pants?
Remy: I've never done a threesome. That's what we're doing here, right?
Nick: This I did not expect.

Nick: I love watching you be wrong, Jess.
Jess: I might've been a little bit off about Remy, but people are generally good, and I'm not wrong about that.
Nick: Jess, people are jerks.
Jess: He is hurting from his divorce...
Nick: Are you still making excuses for this guy? Well, look, if you feel so bad, then just get in there. Just dip your toe into the pool of possibility. [opens door] Hey, Remy, let's get weird and toss that ball around, huh? [Jess closes the door] So turned on.
Jess: Okay, you would seriously have a threesome with that man just to get me to admit that I'm wrong?
Nick: Oh, I think we could do a lot worse than Remy. He's got strong arms.
Jess: [opens door] Let's have a threesome.

Remy: All right, so, a menage a trois is about three of us... trois...
Jess: Sure.
Remy: Menage-ing fully.
Jess: Oui.
Nick: Okay. This is happening with this guy. This is happening right now, Jess.
Jess: Yeah.
Remy: So, it's gonna get even a little more uncomfortable. We just have to keep talking with each other, all right? Around and communicating. Let's get some relaxing music going.
Nick: Great idea, great idea. Thank you.
Jess: Why can't you just admit that he's a good guy?
Nick: We are about to have a menage a trois 'cause you won't admit you're wrong. You're out of your mind.