Jess: We're lost. Why did you let me chase a waterfall? You know what TLC says.

Schmidt: Look at them. I feel like Andie MacDowell in Multiplicity, living in a house filled with clones.
Cece: It is the second time this week you've compared yourself to Andie MacDowell. It's weird.

Winston: Hello. I am Winston Bishop. I'm Aly's boyfriend. Please, if you will, I want to, uh, say a few words to my girlfriend.
Schmidt: He's standing on the furniture.
Cece: Just relax, okay? Help is on the way.
Winston: Aly, I wanted you to feel special tonight because... I'm wild about you. Maybe things didn't go perfectly, but damn it, don't be embarrassed to be crazy in front of me. Okay? I am the king of crazy. [Aly chuckles] I have inside jokes with my cat. I am a member of the Puzzling Guild of North America. I shave my face cold, and I brush my teeth hot.

Aly: How should I be, huh? Like you? [mocking] "Oh, my God, look at me, I'm Leslie. I wear holiday socks in the summer. I follow Ariana Grande around like she was the Grateful Dead."
Leslie: [mocking] "Oh, I'm Aly. I went to Quantico and I got a disease, and I can't be around people!"
Aly: Do you mean "quarantine"?

Jess: Time to hit the sack.
Cece: It's 6:30. Babies are still awake.
Jess & Robby: Not this baby. [both laugh]
Schmidt: I feel like I've lived through this before. I'm like Andie MacDowell in Groundhog Day.
Nick: Are you kidding me?
Cece: Stop! Just please stop.

Jess: Did you ever go to one of those big Wallingford family cookouts?
Robby: Just one, in '92. I remember they had a really competitive three-legged race, and they paired me up with a little boy who had a helmet on. His skin was so translucent, it was like he was a jellyfish.
Jess: Did he play an imaginary trombone?
Robby: Yeah. He kept saying, "It's better to be safe than speedy."
Jess: That was me!
Robby: Oh, my God.
Jess: That was me! Oh, this is too much. I don't want to die with my cousin-lover in a cave.
Robby: Oh, God.
Jess: Everyone will think we fled here 'cause society wouldn't accept us.

Nick: And I saw with my own eyes one day when Winston saved those kids from a burning building, including a little boy. A little boy whose dad left when he was young. Named Wheelchair Timmy. Wheelchair Timmy was a heavyset boy, ginger. Black eyes.

Nick: He grabs the kid and the chair, lifts him up above his head, so that the fire doesn't burn this little heavyset boy. That's the power of adrenaline.
Uncle Naseer: And what happened to Timmy?
Nick: Timmy? He's dead.
Aunt Karen: What?
Nick: He's alive. I'm Timmy. Look at me now. Because of Winston, I'm telling you this story.
Uncle Naseer: No, you said your name was Nick.
Nick: I am Nick. I got to go!

Winston: Aly and I are finally gonna have the same city in common.
Schmidt: Right on, man.
Winston: [laughs] Lefty's coming home.
Cece & Jess: Lefty?
Winston: Yeah, she's left-footed. I'm throwing Aly a surprise welcome-home dinner. I invited her whole family here, you know. Uh, I wanted her to see all the people she loves, which becomes love for me, you know. And the next thing you know, I'm getting one of those "best boyfriend ever" mugs, which you can buy, I just don't want to do all that. I want to... I want to earn it.

Cece: I have a better idea. Why don't you throw your thing at our place? Ever since our wedding china came in, we've been dying to host a dinner party.
Winston: Is your house even done yet?
Schmidt: All the party zones are in working order: living room, dining room. The master bedroom has sort of turned into a place where the workers throw all their trash. I think even one of them went to the toilet in there.
Cece: But...
Schmidt: Yes. We'll just lock that door.