Photographer: Hey, what agency are you from? 2L?
Cece: Oh, um, hmm, I'm... from an agency that is uh, quite, um... but...
Schmidt: Cece's Boys. Cece's Boys, where the men are boys, and the-and the boys are Cece's.
Photographer: All right.
Schmidt: You like it?
Cece: I love it.

Jess: Sorry to interrupt. Are you re-reading The Pepperwood Chronicles?
Reagan: It is actually my very first time.
Jess: A TPC virgin.
Reagan: Yeah.
Jess: "Ah-don't..." believe it.

Jess: Well, Robby's medical bills are a fifth of a million dollars and I'm freaking out. I almost rounded up all my ballet flats and sold them on flattyflattyboomboom.com, the premier website for used flats.
Nick: Well, there are other options. There are other options. Um, as somebody who passed the bar exam eight years ago, I could offer you legal expertise.
Reagan: I could read the medical paperwork.
Jess: Oh! An almost lawyer and a sort of doctor. Lucky me. Okay. Strategy sesh in the cubicle. I'll meet you guys there. [Nick and Reagan rise as Jess stands up to leave] Or we can go... all go together if you want.

Schmidt: Okay, Winston? Winston!
Winston: Yeah?
Schmidt: You better make sure that this is the worst tour that you've ever given anyone in your life.
Winston: And that's gonna be tough. I've given some really bad tours.

Schmidt: We need the office.
Jess: What's wrong?
Cece: Yeah, so, Schmidt booked Donovan a photo shoot at Ass Strat, but Donovan just quit modeling so that he could become a cop.
Jess: A cop?
Schmidt: [phone rings] It's my boss, Kim. God, I hate her. [answers phone] Hello, Kimberly. You sound like your skin looks amazing.

Nick & Reagan: Winston!
Winston: Me!
Schmidt: Did you make police work look as boring as possible?
Winston: I want so badly to tell you yes, but there was a situation.
[flashback:]
Nick: Protect and serve, more like protect and snooze. Yeah, this is boring.
Sergeant: Bishop, a word. And the word is... "moo."
All: Moo!
Winston: Shut up! I-I'm the C.O.W.? I'm the... I'm the cop of the week?
All: [sing] Celebrate good times Moo moo Celebrate good times Moo moo
Donovan: I'm home!
[present:]
Schmidt: Well, congratulations Winston on finally making C.O.W. And damn you!

Robby: Jess, I know that you have flaws.
Jess: Okay, name one.
Robby: Uh... Easy. You walk too fast through a museum. Although, it is pretty good, because we get to see everything and then we have time for the cafe afterwards. I'm gonna say that overall it enriches the experience.
Jess: That is just a compliment!

Kim: I am paying a top-notch photographer to sit around and bitch about how hard it is to find French cigarettes in Los Angeles. Where's the model?
Schmidt: Changing.
Cece: Yeah, um, uh, Donovan, are you almost ready?
Winston: [o.s.] I am changing. I am Donovan.
Kim: What agency did you use again?
Schmidt: Cece's Boys. Look... Cece herself showed up. She's very hands-on.
Kim: That's your wife. I've met her many times. Schmidt, if this falls through...
Cece: Look, my client will be here, and if for some reason he's not, that is on me and only me.
Kim: I'm gonna go shout into a toilet.

Cece: [on the phone] Okay, it's voice mail. Donovan... I know that you don't want to be tied down, okay? But that's why being a model is... perfect for you. Because if you're a cop, then you're just gonna be a cop. But if you're a model, then you can be everyone. You can be an ice cream man, a rocketeer, a jewel thief, or an underwear guy in a 10 million dollar loft whose only furniture is a telescope. So, help me... help you... become the everyone that you can be!

Jess: God, why are tiny rakes so soothing?
Nick: You know, I think I'm finally starting to understand momentum. Which, apparently, my book does not have.