‘Thanksgiving’
Season 1, Episode 6 - Aired November 15, 2011
Jess invites her colleague Paul (guest star Justin Long) to Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile, Schmidt's perfectionist side is on display as he agrees to cook dinner.
Quote from Winston
Jess: So, this guy's gonna thaw out by tomorrow, right?
Winston: What are we, scientists?
Quote from Schmidt
Jess: Oh, God, I can't get it in!
Schmidt: We've all been here, am I right?
Quote from Schmidt
Jess: Maybe if I take off all my clothes and I get in bed with him, the heat of my body will warm it up.
Schmidt: I'm not gonna lie. This is turning me on a little bit.
Nick: It is?
Quote from Jess
Jess: Cece! Thank God. Come down here and lie on the turkey with me.
Winston: Oh, hell, yeah, do that.
Schmidt: Yeah, do it. That'd be good.
Quote from Nick
Jess: I put it on permanent press.
Nick: Good, so you don't have to iron it.
Quote from Paul
Paul: Oh, intermission.
Nick: No, it's halftime.
Paul: It's parade time. It's robot turkey. You know, it was Grandma's favorite. We used to love watching the parade together. She was the best. Check it out. Here she is. Here's the lady.
Jess: Oh, she's beautiful!
Paul: Yeah. We used to get in the funniest arm-wrestling matches.
Quote from Winston
Winston: Hey, can I show you something? Uh, picture here. That's my grandpa.
Paul: Aw...
Winston: Died last year.
Paul: I'm so sorry. Sorry, Winston.
Winston: Thanks. Thanks, man. It's okay. This picture right here was when he tried to quit drinking. That was a bad idea for everybody. This is the first time he tried gelatto. He did not like that.
Paul: What was his name?
Winston: His name was Nelson.
Quote from Paul
Jess: Hey, Schmidt, how's it going?
Schmidt: Well, I need some walnuts. I have no walnuts.
Paul: I should go get those. You should stay here with the turkey. Though, shoot. I have had two pumpkin ales. I probably shouldn't get behind the wheel of a car.
Jess: Nick, how many pumpkin ales have you had?
Nick: Oh, I've had zero pumpkin ale.
Quote from Paul
Paul: [singing softly] Getting some walnuts, getting some walnuts.
Nick: I'm sorry, man, are you singing about what we're doing?
Paul: Yeah, guess I was. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. Where are you from?
Nick: Chicago.
Paul: Oh, land of plenty. It's weird being in L.A. It doesn't feel like Thanksgiving. It feels like there should be, like, a little nip in the air, you know? A little bit like...
Nick: Yeah, totally.
Paul: ...an autumn crisp.