Nick: Hey, Paul.
Paul: Hey, Nicholas.
Nick: What's going on, guys? Nicholas, wow.
Paul: Just two dudes playing word-association games, kicking back a couple of pumpkin ales.
Nick: I think that's a lager, right?
Paul: Mm-mm, this is an ale. It has to do with the fermentation process.
Nick: Could be, could be.

Nick: Uh, hey, do you want to watch football, the Lions?
Paul: Ah, yes! The mighty, mighty Lions of Des Moines. They play every Thanksgiving, right, because they're the most ferocious of the teams.
Nick: Lions from Detroit. Detroit Lions.
Paul: That's another...

Schmidt: Anyone who tells you the future of gravy is nitrogen-based is cooking with blinders on, Cece. What is...? Are you...? Did you wash your hands?
Cece: I'll wash them after.
Schmidt: Okay, no. See, just, can you just stop? Because now the entire bowl of walnuts is compromised. [throws them out]
Cece: Wow. You're very sanitary. Do you wash your hands ten times a day?
Schmidt: Okay, look, don't worry, Cece. If I need to, I can get my hands dirty. I mean, I get dirty all over.
Cece: Would you eat this filthy walnut?
Schmidt: Yeah, I mean, I'd eat the... yeah.
Cece: Okay, open your mouth. Open your mouth, Schmidt.
Schmidt: No! [water runs] Beautiful savage.

Schmidt: That's right. I need long sustained mashes.
Cece: Oh, hey, you've got something on your nose right... [rubs mash on Schmidt's nose]
Schmidt: What?! What?! No! What is wrong with you? Look at this recipe. Look at the recipe. Where in this recipe does it say "put mashed potatoes on Schmidt's nose"? Look at it. No. Here? Here? Here? Go on, show me!

Paul: Nick... I gotta just say something to you. I feel like... you think I'm kind of annoying.
Nick: You didn't have to come here to say that. You could've done it from over there.
Paul: Okay. And if that's the case ... which I don't know that it is ...
Nick: It is.
Paul: I don't care. I actually feel sort of sorry for you, because at this point in your life I know that you'll never dislike me more than you dislike yourself.
Nick: Really? That's what you're going with, Violin?

Cece: Hey. Let's talk about what happened earlier. 'Cause you made me feel like I was a really bad girl.
Schmidt: I know I did, and... I'm really sorry, Cece. I'll never yell at you like that again.
Cece: [puts fingers in pudding mix] How about now?
Schmidt: Please... Please don't do that.
Cece: Got my dirty little hands in your pudding.
Schmidt: Can you... So gross... It's so gross, please... [Cece licks her finger] Oh, God.
Cece: Mmm...
Schmidt: [gags] So gross.
Cece: Yell.
Schmidt: I really... I'd really rather you not do that.
Cece: I haven't washed my hands since 3:00, and I'm gonna double-dip.
Schmidt: It's so gross...
Cece: [puts full hand in the mix] How about now?
Schmidt: It's all the way, it's all the way in there, with all the... it's so unsanitary. Please, just put it... I'm-I'm begging you to... Please just take the towel!

Jess: I'm so sorry, Paul.
Paul: [wearing a space blanket] Oh, it was so fun. I had a great time.

Jess: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Paul: Well, I always spend it with my grandmother...
Jess: That's so nice.
Paul: But she just died.
Jess: Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. That's terrible. When?
Paul: Well, it was about a month ago. It was while I was writing the Halloween madrigal.
Jess: No wonder it was so deep.
[flashback:]
Singers: What's it all about? Is there any point? Do we start dying the moment we are born...?

Jess: Don't worry, guys, I will do everything.
Winston: Are we gonna be able to hang out with Paul or is he also a teacher?
Jess: No, he's a total guy's guy. He normally spends Thanksgiving with his nana, but she just passed away.
Nick: That's a great plan, Jess, be the girl who replaces his dead nana.
Jess: I know!

Jess: Will you help me?
Schmidt: No, definitely not.
Jess: What if I invite Cece?
Nick: Don't do it, Schmidt. Beer, football, Black Friday.
Jess: Thanksgiving with Cece.
Nick: No, Schmidt.
Schmidt: Okay.