Nick: Your money's in here somewhere. Let me just find it, okay?
Cece: Oh, great.
Nick: Oh!
Cece: What's wrong? You hurt yourself?
Nick: No. It's just not there. Uh, let me. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh. Ooh, that feels so good! When I'm looking for your money, it feels so good. [laughing] Oh! I love that! You're a nasty woman! 'Cause you're making me give the money to you.
Cece: Nick...
Nick: Oh, Cece, you love this! Getting your money.
Cece: What exactly are you doing right now?
Nick: [whispers] I'm getting your money.
Cece: You're definitely not getting my money. In no world do you have my money.
Nick: I was flirting with you to give Schmidt a taste of his own medicine. Okay? And it's a huge mistake, and insulting to everyone involved, and I'm sorry.
Cece: Yeah, and also, he would never fall for that at all, okay?
Schmidt: [enters] You're a dead man, Miller!

Jess: You left without eating so I thought, um... I'd bring you a pie. Well, most of a pie. The guys ate some of it.
That's a lie. I ate- I ate- I ate a piece on the way over. I-I ate two pieces. Three pieces.
Ryan: Thank you.
Jess: You're welcome.
Ryan: Would you like to come inside?
Jess: No, um, I came here to say something and that is... I want more, too.
Ryan: This dish is empty.
Jess: Okay. I ate the whole pie. Look, I don't know what I'm doing or where this is going [sighs] and I'm scared, but... it's worth it 'cause it feels big. And that's why I'm going to leave right now, and we're going to take it slow. [Ryan grabs Jess and kisses her] Wow.
Ryan: Well, tonight is Bangsgiving, and I have to honor my American traditions.
Jess: And it's my duty as an American... [kisses Ryan]

Nick: I think I'm going to stop being afraid and start dating. You probably knew all along, didn't you? If only I could meet a girl like you, Tran. Your face, your brain-- throw it in a dress. Oh, daddy, I'd be with her forever. I'm getting off topic. Thanks for the talk. I feel a lot better.
[As Nick stands up to walk away, he almost trips on a large group of beer bottles on the floor]
Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Tran, are these all yours? Come on, man. I thought you were switching to white wine. How do you think you're going to get home now? You're not driving, so how are you going to get home? [knock on door]
Kai: Hey. Are you Nick? You the guy who's obsessed with my grandfather? Grandpaps, you ready to go?
[Nick salutes Tran, who is suddenly dressed and ready to go]

Pepper: Hey. I'm taking off. Um... sorry I body-slammed you but this doesn't feel like it's working out so I don't really want to waste our time.
Coach: Look, Pepper, um... I think you're beautiful, and very nice. I just, uh... You know, I'm not used to... dating women that are stronger than me.
Pepper: How do you know that I'm stronger than you? Do you want to arm wrestle?
Coach: Yeah, like I'm that insecure that I have to prove my masculinity by arm wrestling a girl. [yells] Come on. Ready?
Pepper: Yeah.
Coach: One, two, three. [grunting] [yells] Yes! That's how you do it! That's how it's uh-uh-uh done! [kisses Pepper] Thank you for letting me win.
Pepper: Sure, any time.

Schmidt: Well, Lucy left. Turns out she's a bit of an anti-Semite.
Cece: Hmm.
Schmidt: Yeah, looks like we both struck out.
Cece: Okay, Schmidt, there is no Geoff. Come on. But to honest, I'm kind of glad there isn't. You know, Thanksgiving should be spent with the people that you care about.
Schmidt: Let me get you a beer.
Cece: By the way... you're on my Never List, too.
Geoff: Hi. Are you Cece? I'm Geoff. Um, I'm Schmidt's friend. I'm sorry I'm late. I hit a peacock on my way here and then I held it in my arms until it died. It was horrible, but also kind of uplifting. Um, anyway, I brought creamed spinach.
Cece: [speaking Hindi, pushes Geoff out of the apartment]

Jess: Uh, it's not him, Rooney. This movie should be called The Day Rooney Tried to Do His Job.