‘Socalyalcon VI’
Season 6, Episode 19 - Aired March 14, 2017
As Jess helps Nick prepare for a book convention, she realizes she's acting more like his girlfriend than his friend. Meanwhile, Schmidt and Cece struggle to keep their friends out when they finally move in to their house.
Quote from Jess
Jess: I just had a four-hour dinner with Reagan. At which, we shared something called "The Lovers' Pork." Cece, it's getting worse. I'm both their girlfriends.
Quote from Jess
Schmidt: How did you get in here, Jess?
Jess: Through the doggy door.
Cece: There's a doggy door?
Jess: Well, it's flush with the people door, and it's painted shut, so I really had to put my head into it.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: I saw a lizard once, uh, making diarrhea on Johnny Carson.
Quote from Aly
Winston: Okay, sure, Jess. We don't have to be at the station till... till, uh...
Aly: This just says we're ten days from a full moon.
Winston: Yeah, it's weird, I can't get mine out of scuba mode.
Aly: I don't know how to read this.
Quote from Winston
Winston: Oh! I just figured out something that you definitely do not know. I blew my nose once and a bug came out.
Aly: We were all there when that happened.
Jess: That was at my birthday brunch.
Quote from Nick
Jess: Oh, hey, guys. I can't talk; I have so much paper to fold.
Reagan: Well, you better get it all folded tonight, because guess where you are being whisked away to tomorrow.
Nick: Palm Springs, California, where the only thing hotter than the weather are the gay senior citizens and SOCALYALCON 6.
Quote from Nick
Nick: It's everything you like: it-it's kids, it's reading. You are gonna get so many free bookmarks.
Jess: Do I get a per diem?
Nick: Yeah. What's that?
Quote from Aly
Aly: All right, this is the last of it.
Winston: Whew! Are you sure we have to do this?
Aly: Babe, we're police officers who almost missed a shift because we were busy bouncing.
Winston: You're right. Our capacity for joy is just way too high.
Quote from Nick
Girl: What's this book about?
Nick: Uh, it's... I mean, it's... it's hard to exp... Reagan?
Reagan: Uh...
Nick: Reagan, what is it...
Reagan: Just tell her what it's about. He wrote this book.
Nick: It's about a man with nothing, risking everything to feel something.
Girl: I'll take it. Can you sign it?
Nick: "Kill yourself." [chuckles] It's a joke. It's a reference to... You'll get it. [chuckles]
Quote from Cece
Cece: [on the phone] Hey, so how's SOCALYCAL... SOCALYALCON 6?
Jess: I don't know. I'm at the airport.
Cece: What? Where are you going?
Jess: I don't know.
Cece: How long you gonna be gone for?
Jess: I don't know.
Cece: What's two plus two?
Jess: Four. I'm listening to your questions, I just don't know the answer to them.