Jess: Thank you so much for having us over for brunch, guys.
Schmidt: It's the least that we could do to celebrate the one-week anniversary of your sister moving in with me and becoming my live-in lover.
Jess: Was a little fast.
Abby: Babe, you have syrup on your face.
Schmidt: Oh, you can get it. [Abby licks Schmidt's face]
Jess: Mm. [to Nick] Babe, you have some powdered sugar.
Nick: [muffled] Back off! I'm starving!
Jess: Come on. Just let me get it off. It's so much.
Nick: Get your own French toast, Jess! I got these slices, so they're for me to eat. If you want the slices, get your own slices.

Cece: Schmidt, you got something crazy around your neck.
Schmidt: Abby made this. Look. Ow. Look at that.
Coach: Not a fan.
Abby: I forgot how much I love making jewelry. Schmidt's been lending me money for supplies.
Schmidt: Yeah.
Jess: Schmidt, are you bleeding?
Schmidt: Oh, look at that. I most certainly am. Wow. What makes Abby's jewelry so interesting is that it's actually dangerous and can cut you. Abby's gonna open up her own store one day. Mark my words.
Coach: She shouldn't do that.

Nick: But now that you're living here, I can have my old room back. Jess, I'm gonna need you gone by 5:00.
Jess: Done. I need a break from Snore-a Ephron over here.
Nick: Okay.
Abby: Oh, Schmidt and I don't need any space. We have no boundaries. But I guess not everybody can have what Schmidt and I have. You guys will probably get there. Don't worry. Remember how long it took you to get boobs?
Jess: Yeah, but I started shaving my legs at nine. So joke's on you. [Abby and Schmidt start kissing passionately] Wait. We have so much sex.
Nick: Don't try to eat the other slice. I'm gonna get to it.

Jess: Well, I feel like if we get tired of each other, I can always run across the hall to my room. It's so close. Just pop over there.
Nick: Mm.
Jess: Do you not want to?
Nick: Whoa. [whistles] I did not- That did not-
Jess: So you're saying you do want to? [chuckles] Oh, my God, Nick, we're moving in together!
Nick: Officially? We just agreed on it?
Jess: Yes! Yes!
Nick: I cannot think of a reason why not to.

Coach: This is great. [chuckles] What are we doing?
Cece: We are snooping on Abby.
Coach: Oh, love it.
Cece: I do not trust that girl. She's always working an angle. Now she's got Schmidt all wrapped up, giving her money for "jewelry."
Schmidt: [enters] Treachery! [Coach screams] First, they came for my silverware and I said nothing.

Winston: Oh, hey.
Jess: My room looks totally different.
Winston: Turned it into a workout space. I am so glad it opened up.
Jess: Oh, why didn't we do this sooner?
Winston: Crab walk. You don't know where a crab's gonna go. And you know what? Where does the crab go? [crashes] Oh! Oh, aah! Owie.

Abby: Hey, Jess, what are you doing?
Jess: Oh, I just, you know, sometimes I work in the elevator now. [whispers] You know, helping some of the older residents.
Abby: Hmm?
Jess: [loudly] This is your floor, ma'am.

Jess: So, how are things going with you and Schmidt living together?
Abby: I have never felt so clean while being so dirty.
Jess: Awesome.
Abby: Last night, Schmidt wanted to take me to a hotel, but we could not even get out of the loft without ripping each other's clothes off.
Jess: Oh, that's our thing, too.

Winston: So, Nick, the police academy training is going well, but I'm a little worried about the rings, because of the you know... the incident.
[flashback:]
Young Winston: Shut up, you guys, I can do this. No, Miller, no, Miller, no! [kids laugh]
[present:]
Nick: I'm sor- I got big laughs. You got to give the people what they want.
Winston: Everybody saw my ding-a-ling, Nick. My ding-a-ling.

Coach: Which ding is ours?
Schmidt: Which ding is ours? Coach, there are knife holes in the door. What does it matter? Let's get out of here.
Coach: At least write "sorry" and put it under the windshield wiper... There are none. Uh. Maybe put it under the dead bird's leg?