Nick: It's a craft fair! You love craft fairs.
Jess: Candy apples, windmills, no minorities. Great Rumspringa, guys! I'm gonna hit the road. I need to work on my blazer.
Schmidt: Well, I paid for all-day parking, so you're out of your mind if you think we're leaving now.
Nick: Jess, resistance is the classic first stage. Just enjoy this! It's so cool. Look at this sign. Look at this sign.
"When did it become a crime to rhyme all the time?" [laughs] So true. [chuckles]And it's really funny.
Schmidt: Somebody just thought of that.
Nick: Do you think a teenager would hang this on his wall?
Jess: No.
Nick: I don't either. I just got a vision for my room. Excuse me.

Jess: Okay, I got to go home, and I got to work on my morning announcement voice. [softly] "My morning announcement voice." [cheerily] "My morning announcement voice." I think the last one was close.
Schmidt: I really think you're overthinking this. Just do what I do-- exude confidence all the time.
Jess: But you're the boss now. You-you can't skate by on confidence alone.
Schmidt: Who says I can't?
Jess: Well, I couldn't get away with it. I'd always be worried that someone would figure out I didn't know what I was doing. I'd be terrified as hell.
Schmidt: Nah. I'm good. I'm so good.

Rhonda: I can't believe you fell for the disappearing ink trick! Ah, ha, ha!
Winston: That was Rhonda, that was Rhonda.
Aly: Rhonda? Grow up, stop acting like Dennis the freaking Menace, and sign the papers. The pranks stop right now.
Rhonda: I just wish I could've seen your face.
Aly: You are being a turd.
Winston: Aly hates pranks.
Rhonda: What?
Winston: Yeah. Like a normal person.
Rhonda: No disrespect, Aly, but that's basic.
Aly: Okay. That's very disrespectful.

Rhonda: Winston, I'm worried about you marrying her.
Aly: Here's a prank. I'm, I'm gon... I'm gonna kick you in the head.
Rhonda: See, that's not a prank. See? Winston, I'm worried.
Aly: Stop being a turd!
Rhonda: Now we're never getting a divorce!
Winston: You're a crazy person.
Rhonda: It's just gonna be pranks for life!
Winston: What?
Rhonda: Pranks at 50, pranks at 60, pranks at 80.
Winston: Aly, ignore her.
Rhonda: Pranks in the nursing home.
Winston: We'll figure something out.

Nick: Hey, Jess. Could you make a pillow out of this?
Jess: You know damn well I could make a pillow out of anything. Definite buy, bro. Aquavit me.
Nick: I'm thinking of making a throw pillow for my room. Uh, teenagers don't have throw pillows, right?

Jess: Whoa. Why you packing up? It's only 4:30.
Woman: Yeah, it's Sunday. Everything around here closes pretty early.
Nick: Sundays.
Jess: I'm just getting my rum sprung!
Nick: Stinks.

Schmidt: Nick, I don't think I'm ready for this new job. I'm freaking out. And there's not enough aebleskivers
in this whole place to soothe me.

Jess: Let us out! We have a big day tomorrow, we need to pupate.
Schmidt: They don't know what that means. Say something more accessible. Help!

Jess: Darn it! What are we gonna do? We've been stuck in here for over an hour!
Nick: Okay, yes. Our bodies are trapped in this cellar, but our minds can go anywhere.

Nick: Hey, Schmidt. It seems like you might need a Rumspringa. Want to go to a casino? Pick a number. Any number, kiddo.
Schmidt: What?
Nick: Pick a number.
Schmidt: I don't understand this... 23.
Nick: That's wrong. Fun, though, huh?
Schmidt: How am I wrong?
Jess: Was it 19?
Nick: It was...