Winston: So should I just go move them, or...
Coach: Nick, he's being weird. You gotta move 'em.
Nick: Oh, so now I'm the panty mover?
Coach: Yeah, you're the boyfriend.
Nick: That's not a life!

Winston: Who the hell is gonna move the panties?
Nick: Coach, you move 'em.
Coach: Are they warm from the dryer?
Nick: You know what? You're out.
Schmidt: Grow up. I'll move the panties.
Winston: Thank you.
Coach: Ooh, seems awfully eager.
Nick: Yeah, you're awfully eager, here, Schmidt.
Schmidt: Oh, yeah. I been waiting my entire life to move your girlfriend's panties.

Nick: Stop saying "panties," bro.
Schmidt: Panties.
Nick: No, they're panties. With a "D." Pandies.
Winston: Pandies.
Schmidt: Say "panties" like a normal person.
Coach: No, this is how black people say it. Pull your "pannies" down. No "T" in there.
Winston: We say "pannies." Yeah.
Nick: Here's how a white dude says it. Pull your panties down.
Winston: Guys, honestly, can you not see what the panties are doing to us?
Schmidt: Stop saying "panties" when it comes to Jess, everybody.
Winston: This is exactly why none of us should live with a woman.

Jess: We thought we were gonna die, but she was actually really sorry. So she invited us to a party at her boss's house, and they're sending a limo, and guess who her boss is.
Jess & Cece: It's Prince! It's Prince! It's Prince.
Nick: What?
Schmidt: Oh! Prince?
Coach: Nice!
Jess & Cece: We're going to a party at Prince's house. We're going to a party... We're going at Prince's house.
Jess: We're going! That's not my underwear.

Jess: Which shoes should I wear to Prince's house, white or black? White, or black? Nick, come on. The limo's gonna be here any minute. Which shoe? White or black?
Nick: Well, I think you look great in everything. I just want this moment to end.
Winston: What are your open-toe options?
Cece: None of it works, okay? We gotta start over. Let's go.
Coach: You failed, bro.

Schmidt: Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to celebrate this thing called Schmidt. Nick, are you wearing cargo pants?
Nick: Yeah.
Schmidt: You're gonna wear those to an A-list party? Hey, guys, how are we going to transport all this cargo? Oh, wait, we have Nick's pants. We're saved. Get the frickin' pants off.

Coach: Dude, we're not going. Prince invited the hot girls, not the four dudes.
Schmidt: What? Why did I buy this $2,000 suit?
Winston: You idiot! Dude, my suit cost $200, and mine came with socks stapled to the lapel.
Coach: Not gonna tap that.
Nick: I'm not gonna...
Winston: 'Cause it came with it.
Nick: Cheap suit.
Winston: Yeah, but it came with socks.

Schmidt: Unacceptable! This party was supposed to take me to the next level.
Coach: Next level of what?
Nick: Don't ask, man.
Schmidt: In every man's life, there is one party that changes everything.
Nick: Oh.
Schmidt: You don't understand. And that is exactly why I'm leaving you all behind.
Coach: So this whole time, you've just been waiting for cooler friends?
Schmidt: Yes. Of course. Coach, look around. This can't be the finish line.

Nick: Prince! Unbelievable!
Jess: Hey, look! I'm in a limo! I wish I had really long legs so I could stretch 'em out the length of the limo.
Nick: Well, have fun. I love you. [long silence]

Coach: I'll let you borrow this, dude, and you'll feel it. You'll know what I'm talking.
Nick: Why don't I feel it right now?
Coach: Feel it.
Nick: Oh, cowabunga!
Coach: You felt it?
Nick: I'm gonna punch you in the face.