Jess: Well, the only Valentine in this pile is for yours truly. Someone very crafty made it.
Schmidt: [whispers] She sent a Valentine's to herself.
Winston: Now, you understand this is sad, this is really sad.
Jess: Guys, would a sad person do this? [sings] Down, down, do your dance, do your dance, do your dance Down, down, do your dance Do your dance, do your dance Down, down, do your dance...
Winston: Whew! Say what you want, that woman can shuffle. Mm!

Schmidt: I've been killing myself trying to impress Kim.
[flashback:]
Kim: Call the tween footwear people. Here's their number.
Schmidt: Don't trouble yourself. I've got it memorized. [dials without looking at the phone]
Kim: You just dialed 17 numbers. Loretta, I need you!
Schmidt: Freakin' Loretta!

Winston: Hey, hey. What you doing? Cleaning out your purse? Fun. Mind if I watch?
Jess: Knock yourself out.
Winston: [chuckles] Whoo! What you got there? That a nail clipper? What you gonna do with that? Keep, throw away. Keep, throw away. [mumbling] I'm going with keep, I'm going... Oh! She's keeping it!
Jess: Oh, I get it-- you think I'm sad.

Jess: Winston, no matter what Aly says, all girls love Valentine's Day. Get your cupcake ass out of here and go make her feel special.
Winston: I can't miss this.
Jess: Leave me to my froyo cards. God, I got to start going to the same place, you know. Or else I'll never get a free one. [Winston leaves] Oh. I'm alone.

Nick: I can't even imagine what Reagan got me. 'Cause I know she went, you know, at least as hard as I went, and I got to say, I went hard. At 11:00, an 11-ounce steak will be sent to her room.
Cece: That's large.
Nick: At 12:00, a single rose will arrive. At 1:00, the hotel manager is gonna come, he's gonna tell her there's a problem with her room, he's gonna take her to another room. When she walks in that room, boom, it's filled with roses.
Cece: Damn, son.
Nick: It's a slightly worse room, but it's right near an ice machine.
Cece: I am proud of you. You're a real Big Boy Cupid.
Nick: Big Boy Cupid. I like that. Say it again.
Cece: Big Boy Cupid!
Nick: I didn't like it that much that time.

Nick: Now my final bit of advice, and don't get sensitive on this, but you got to change that top-- it's terrible. And you got to throw sparkles on.
Cece: I think...
Nick: Sparkles are in.
Cece: I think my top is fine.
Nick: Sparkles are in!
Cece: There's a line. You giving me fashion advice is the line.
Nick: Sparkles are in!

Winston: Look, I know it's not much, but, um, you know, I just thought it would be nice to spend some... koala-ty time together.
Aly: Ew.
Winston: [Australian accent] G'Day, mate. Oh, no. What's a fit Sheila like you doing with this sticky joey?
Aly: You were right. I said I didn't want to do anything today, but this is pretty fun. [British accent] Even though you forgot the Parmesan cheese.
Winston: Well, that's not what he would sound like. I mean, if you're gonna say it, you might as well say it the way he would... [both laugh] I can't even joke be mad at you, because you're so perfect.
Aly: Well, you're the most ridiculous person I've ever met. [Winston laughs] But, you know, I honestly never get tired of you. [chuckles] Okay, this is gonna sound crazy, but I don't even care, I'm just gonna say it. Why don't we get married?
Winston: [laughs] .... Nah...

Jess: Okay, let's cut this 21-stage plan down to the essentials.
Winston: Okay.
Jess: Great binder, by the way. You get it at Captain Work?
Winston: You know it.
Jess: Downtown or Third Street?
Winston: Downtown.
Jess: Good. Third Street's for idiots.
Winston: I'm really loving your vibe right now. You're really taking control.

Schmidt: I already e-mailed you the reports, but I know you love hard copies, and I love that about you.
Kim: Why?
Schmidt: Why? All right. [opens his office door]
Cece: Happy bone-iver... [Schmidt closes the door]
Schmidt: [to Kim] So, actually, I'm going to, uh, double-check those hard copies, and I'm gonna bring them to you, 'cause I want to make sure that they're ready for your brilliant eyes.

Winston: Oh. I think, we got one, Trevlo! $12,000? You out of your damn mind, man?
Trevlo: No, no, no.
Winston: You got to work with me, Trevlo.
Trevlo: Can't do it, baby.
Winston: Come on, Jess, you told me this dude was your friend.
Jess: Friend is a stretch. I rear-ended him in a drive-thru, and he gave me his card.
Trevlo: Blessings.