Winston: What the hell you do to my fade, Jess?! I said a soft blend! Soft!
Trevlo: I think it looks great, baby. It's all your perception.
Winston: I look like if LeBron James turned around.
Jess: Calm down.
Winston: Look, I'm trying to stay calm, Jess, but I'm trying to fit a 21-step plan into three hours.
Trevlo: Stay blessed.
Winston: I swear I'm gonna shove one of those blessings right up...

Nick: Trevlo! I thought that was you! Wow, look at you. Looking trim.
Trevlo: Been counting my steps, baby.
Winston: You know Trevlo, too?
Nick: Yeah, I was in the car when Jess hit him.
Trevlo: Stay blessed.
Nick: Stay blessed.
Jess: Stay blessed.
Winston: Everybody stay blessed.
Trevlo: Stay blessed.

Nick: Anyway, Schmidt's having a Valentine's Day emergency, and he called on Big Boy Cupid for help. Cece's been calling me Big Boy Cupid because I'm super romantic now. What can I say? I'm in love.
Trevlo: Nick, you in love? Tell me about her. Is she positive?
Nick: She is not positive, but I can't wait to see what she got me for Valentine's Day.

Winston: We don't have a ring, we're rushing through all the steps. It's better this way. I'll come up with a plan B, I'll make it up to her for Valentine's Day. You got to take care of yourself.
Jess: I feel very, very happy.
Winston: Stay home, relax. Have your meal with your private chef, and more than anything... stay blessed.
Jess: Don't tell me to stay blessed. You stay blessed!
Winston: [sings] Stay blessed!

Schmidt: Oh, my God, it's Kim. It's Kim. It's Kim. Shh. Shh, shh.
Kim: [crying]
Nick: This is the start of a very long cry. As a bartender, you really get to know the human cry. [Kim continues crying] So what else is going on with you guys?

Cece: This is completely my fault. I just really wanted to do something big for you, because you do so many romantic things for me. And I just wanted to find some way to show you how much I love you. Instead, all I did was mess up your job. [sighs]
Schmidt: Cece.
Cece: I'm sorry.
Schmidt: You mean more to me than any job ever will. Screw it.
Cece: Screw what? What? [both stand up]
Schmidt: I love Cece!
Cece: Oh, well, then I love Schmidt! I love him. Love you. Love you.
Kim: Well, this is a productive use of time. What the hell is going on, Schmidt? And what is that guy doing?
Nick: I'm a chimney sweep. All these are clogged.
Kim: A chim...?
Nick: Clogged, clogged, clogged.

Nick: Are you crying? That's the question. Are you crying?
Kim: I just met my birth mother. I don't have to explain myself to a chimney sweep.
Kim: Schmidt, why are you dressed like a Little Rascal?
Schmidt: The truth is it's... it's our bone-iversary. [Kim groans] Kim, this job means so much to me, but... she means a lot more. So... if this costs me the promotion, then I can live with that.
Kim: You know, this is the first conversation we've ever had where you weren't lying to me. It's nice. I'm not flaming with rage. And by the way, I've noticed you're working your ass off. Now get back to work. Cece, your décolletage looks beautiful.
Cece: Thank you.

Aly: What is going on?
Jess: Happy Valentine's Day.
Aly: What? Jess, why did you decorate a bathroom?
Winston: Oh, boy.
Aly: Why is Winston dressed like a tiger?
Jess: He's dressed as a bobcat, but...
Winston: I got something I want to say. When my head hit the wall, it knocked my eyes out of focus. So I'm gonna need you to read it for me.
Jess: Oh, my God. Okay.
Winston: I'm still a little woozy.

Cece: What are we doing in here?
Schmidt: Well, I thought you'd like to see your husband's new office. [Cece gasps] I got the promotion. She just told me.
Cece: [laughs] Look at this place! You've got a wet bar, you've got a thermostat.
Schmidt: And tickets to something called the Clippers.
Loretta: You wanted to see me?
Schmidt: Actually, Loretta, I wanted you to see me in my new office. That'll be all. Thank you so much.
[Schmidt presses a button to close his office door, the door moves ridiculously slowly]
Schmidt: All right, Loretta, get out of here.

Nick: Uh, my Valentine's Day gift from Reagan finally came.
Jess: That's nice.
Nick: Yeah. She got me a necklace.
Jess: [chuckles] Did you want a necklace?
Nick: No. Not really. I don't know if I'm a necklace guy.
Jess: Well, some guys call it a chain.
Nick: A chain?
Jess: Yeah.
Nick: I call a chain the thing you put on tires in the snow.