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Goldmine

‘Goldmine’

Season 4, Episode 7 - Aired November 11, 2014

Nick pretends to be gay so Jess's new boyfriend doesn't feel uncomfortable with her living with her ex. Meanwhile, Cece considers breast reduction surgery, and Winston hopes his long game with his attractive neighbors will finally pay off.

Quote from Nick

Ian: Uh, can I use your restroom?
Jess: Yeah. It's down the hall to the right.
Ian: Don't worry. I won't peek.
Jess: But he wants to. [Nick chuckles]
Jess: Oh, my God, I am so sorry. I should just tell him the truth.
Nick: It's too late for the truth, Jess. You live with a gay man, and this gay man's gonna help you get laid.

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Quote from Coach

Michelle: Is he... is he talking about you guys?
Coach: Yes. Yes, he is, uh... he's talking about us. We are, unfortunately, we're going away... tomorrow. So, uh, we better make tonight count, huh, ladies?
Michelle: Wait. We barely got to know you!
Viv: How long will you be gone?
Winston: For... for...
Coach: 44 weeks.
Michelle: 44 weeks?
Coach: Tell them about our business, man. You don't have to be shy about it.
Winston: Uh, right.
Coach: No. Yeah.
Winston: Hello. Do you like socks? We sell socks.
Coach: Everybody likes socks.

Quote from Winston

Winston: If you just give me a chance to exp... [Michelle closes the door]
Coach: Well, easy come, easy go.
Winston: Easy? Easy?! You just stole six months of my life, man. I am... I am P.O.'d, hombre!
Coach: Winston!

Quote from Jess

Nick: [o.s.] Hey, Jess, you in there?
Ian: Is that Nick?
Jess: Do you mean Gay Nick? Yeah, that's Gay Nick.

Quote from Jess

Ian: You look so cute in the morning.
Nick: You talking to me or her? [laughter]
Jess: Okay. I'll get rid of her. I'll just pretend to be your crazy ex-girlfriend. I can do this. I did a one-woman
production of A Christmas Carol. [British accent] You, sir, what day is it? Aye, it's Christmas day.
Nick: That was not good. It was perfect.
Jess: Thank you. I thought you'd think that.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Nick thinks we're broken up, but he also thinks that the last girl he slept with wasn't me in a wig.
Tina: [laughs] Wigs are so good for tricking guys.
Jess: I'm around all the time. Do you really want to get yourself in this situation?
Tina: My last boyfriend was, like, honestly in his 80s. I was just like, "Don't die, Myron." Does that answer your question?
Jess: Tell me everything you did sexually! Everything! All of it, or leave!
Tina: I put my finger...
Jess: Stop!
Tina: But you asked...
Jess: No. I-I did, but it backfired.

Quote from Coach

Winston: Ah, so it is load bearing, huh?
Coach: What are you doing?
Winston: Me? Oh, well, first, I'm putting up the shelves. Then I got to finish the floor, so that the shelves can appear level, then the ceiling.
Coach: Enough! All right? You've done enough for these women. Look, ladies, I tried to manipulate you, and I am sorry about that, but you guys have been manipulating my friend for months. It is not okay. Just dangling
sex like a little carrot.
Viv: We are not using sex to get Winston to do stuff.
Michelle: No.
Coach: Wait. You're not?
Viv: No.
Coach: Well, then he's done doing stuff. Come on, Winston. You're better than this. Forget you guys.

Quote from Winston

Michelle: Okay. It's me. Come on.
Coach: What?
Winston: Wait. Listen. Um... Michelle, you don't have to do this.
Michelle: That's okay. I kind of want to. Just, uh, keep the pencil behind your ear, and bring the hard hat, um, and the safety goggles.
Winston: [whispers to Coach] Long game.

Quote from Nick

Ian: That was beautiful. I'm-I'm sorry, you know? I think I'm just more used to, like, stereotypical gay guys,
like him, you know?
Nick: You offended me.
Ian: I'm sorry.
Jess: Ian! Ian! Ian, hi. There are some events that are about to occur that I'd like to get ahead of. Um, the truth is that Nick is... Oh, God.
Nick: [Tina kisses Nick] Get off of me! You're not a man!

Quote from Schmidt

Doctor: Now, this is just a consultation, so do your best to relax.
Cece: Okay.
Schmidt: [enters] Stop the surgery!
Cece: This is just a consultation.
Schmidt: May we have the room, please?
Doctor: That's what it's here for.
Cece: I'm sorry.

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