Jess: Ooh. They have, uh, Brussels sprouts with pancetta. That's a fancy name for bacon. Hold the Brussels sprouts. Am I right?
Nick: Everybody loves bacon, Jess ... New topic.

Jess: You know what? Can we just forget about this date, or not-date, and... Maybe start over and go get a drink at the bar as friends?
Nick: Drinking to forget? That's my sweet spot. Let's do that.

Russell: You live together and you had three dates tonight. What's that? I think you guys don't really know what you are to each other. Right?
Nick: Well, you're wrong. No, you're wrong. Yeah.
Jess: You are wrong, because we know what we are...
Nick: We do know... yeah. We know what we are.
Russell: Okay, this'll be fun. Tell you what. Why don't you write it down? Seriously. Write down what you think this is. Is this a relationship, a one-night stand, above the waist only? No wrong answers.
Nick: You had two pens on you this whole time?
Russell: Well, sure.
Nick: That's the move right there.
Russell: You better believe it.

Nick: Where do you think you're going? That charger belongs to all of us.
Winston: Nowhere.
Jess: Oh, really? Because it looks like you're going to your room to charge when it's not your turn.
Schmidt: You know the rules, dumb-dumb. Charger stays in a neutral room.
Winston: Why do we only have one charger anyway?
Jess: It was supposed to bring us closer together.
Winston: Hey, look, another charger. [points away]

Winston: [to Jess] You are terrible at this.
Schmidt: Oh, you can't outrun the Jewish.

Nick: That was stupid.
Jess: They are such idiots.
Nick: I don't know why I do this. The charger doesn't even fit on my phone.
Jess: I have, like, six chargers in my room. I just do this for fun.

Jess: What are we doing? Yeah.
Nick: We are roommates, who have made out a couple of times, and are attracted to each other.
Jess: Mm-hmm.
Nick: And really good friends.
Jess: Yeah.
Nick: And sometimes genuinely kind of hate each other. And sometimes... touch each other's boobs. [Nick places his other hand on Jess's other boob]
Jess: Little bit better...
Nick: Not helping.
Jess: Little bit worse?
Nick: Yeah.

Jess: Hey, Nick.
Nick: Jess...ica. Dirty J, Dr. Day, my toilet sister. If so, food.
Jess: You want to get food later? [Nick gives a silent thumbs-up] I'm gonna get dressed now. Okay, bye.

Winston: Did you put the charger the bathroom?
Schmidt: The most neutral room in the loft.
Winston: Yeah, well, I moved it to the kitchen.
Schmidt: The kitchen?
Nick: Hey, guys.
Schmidt: Nick, what's more neutral? The awesome bathroom or the stupid, stupid kitchen?

Winston: By the way, who's the girl?
Nick: Who's the girl?
Schmidt: Who's the girl? Yeah.
Nick: Uh, what's her name? It's, uh, yeah, it's, uh... Her name is, uh, obviously Yolanda. Uh... her last name is Winston. I should go.