Schmidt: Ah, there he is. Hey-o. Working late. So, Mr. Jason, did we get the inspection, or are we gonna keep waiting around like a couple of jamooks?
Jason: Eh, threw some sawdust on the puddle, but it's still wet.
Schmidt: I don't know... is that a bad thing or good thing?
Nick: Means he didn't get it.
Schmidt: Hey, blame the city. I hate the city! Stup-stupid city. Well, you know what, Mr. Jason? You tried. Thank you for that. I guess you can just give us our money back.
Jason: Oh, I don't have your money.
Schmidt: We didn't get the inspection, though.
Jason: Well, I said we'd see what we see. And this is what we saw... You get it.
Schmidt: I don't think that I do get it. Do we get it, Nick? Do I, do I... I don't get it. Do you get it?
Nick: I get it.

Schmidt: What we need to do is come up with a plan that combines both of our strengths.
Nick: I like this.
Schmidt: Here's what I'm thinking. We invite Mr. Jason over for the game. And while I'm hosting the hell out of him, you sneak down, and you steal those pipes out of his truck.
Nick: Let's do this, man! Let's do this!
Schmidt: Nobody rips us off.
Nick: Nobody rips us off!
Schmidt: Let's do it!

Babs: Ten seconds.
Robby: Ten seconds.
Stavros: Choiros. Choiros chrimata!
Jess: What does that mean?
Stavros: Choiros chrimata!
Jess: What does that mean?
Robby: I think, I think he's saying "pig money." Is it pig money?
Babs: Time! [Babs and Robby laugh]
Jess: Well, it was piggy bank, which is close enough. We gave you "garbanzos" for "chick peas."

Robby: Man, we are wrecking you guys. It's probably 'cause me and Babs have, uh, such a strong connection.
Jess: Whatever. It's just 'cause you speak the same language.
Robby: I like to date people that I can communicate with.
Jess: Good for you. Where's the wine? I like it now.
Babs: I think it's making me hallucinate.
Robby: Mm-hmm. Me, too.
Jess: You know what? It's of good quality.

Jess: Enough! What is wrong with you, Robby?
Robby: What's wrong with me? You're the one who wanted to see other people!
Jess: I said I wanted to take it slow. I didn't say I want a front row seat to your date with some movie scientist.
Babs: This is a weird night.
Jess: Well, welcome to my world, Babs.
Robby: Jess, you don't know what you want. I mean, do you like me? Do you not like me? Are we in a relationship? Are we not?
Stavros: [singing in Greek]
Jess: Thank you, Stavros. That'll do.
Robby: [groans slightly] Yeah, well... I think we should all go. Stavros, thank you for the psychedelic wine, but I would like you to leave my house now so that I can throw up.
Stavros: Jess, we go disco? Nntz, nntz, nntz, nntz, nntz, nntz, nntz, nntz Nntz, nntz, nntz, nntz, nntz, Nntz, nntz, nntz, nntz, nntz, nntz, nntz...

Winston: Maybe our lives are boring.
Cece: Mm-hmm.
Winston: Or... are we just happy? Follow me on this one.
Cece: Okay.
Winston: Would you want to be dating still?
Cece: Hell, no.
Winston: Thank you.
Cece: I am happy! You know, and happy... sometimes it's a little bit boring, but, you know, I have a great marriage. And who needs the drama?
Winston: Not me.
Cece: No.

Winston: As of right now, I am washing my hands of all this Jess and Robby nonsense.
Cece: I feel you.
Winston: I'm out!
Cece: Jess just texted. She needs us.
Winston: I'm in! Let's go!
Cece: We're in!

Schmidt: Okay, that slime ball is on his way. Are you wearing my jeans?
Nick: Yeah. I'm all mixed up, and I can't get 'em off.
Schmidt: Well, that's 'cause they fit. They look fantastic. If you get 'em wet, I'm gonna flip out.

Schmidt: Nick, uh, want to go take care of that thing?
Nick: Oh, yeah, I got to fix the boiler.
Jason: Oh, gas or steam?
Nick: Double?
Schmidt: It's a, it's a double. It sure is a double.

Schmidt: Mr. Jason, it's good to see you! Thank you so much for having me over. This is gonna be a good game. Are you hungry? We've got some food. I've got sausages and brats, all the sports meats.
Jason: You know, I don't eat meat. I'm a vegan.
Schmidt: You... [loud metallic clinking and clanking]
Jason: Hey!
Nick: It's not what it looks like, Mr. Jason!
Schmidt: It must be hard to order as a vegan in a restaurant.
Nick: Oh!