Cece: Look, if Reagan had her phone, she would have texted me back. She's probably on a plane or in a spa or...
Nick: [phone blips] Well, she just responded.
Cece: What?!
Nick: I said, "What are you doing for dinner?" And she just texted back, "Who dis?" So I'm gonna text, "Who you think dis is?" [laughs] So now we play the waiting game. [phone blips] "Karen?" She thinks I'm Karen. Oh, yeah, I can be Karen... And Karen's gonna get some answers.
Winston: You know, as a cop, I find this to be very disturbing. But as a friend... [wry chuckle] Man, this is straight-up delicious.

Schmidt: Ooh, uh, P-Penelope. Have you seen a girl wandering around? Um, look-looks like a drawing of a best friend that an eight-year-old would make.

Cece: [on the phone] Hey, Jess, so, you know, just-just give me something to hold onto. Just tell me about the dress. [children screaming] Are you with kids right now? [children shouting]
Jess: No, no. [child grunting] Did you just rip that book in half? What are you, the Hulk?

Sergeant: Anyway, you can't be partners while you're dating. I'll, uh, split you and assign one of you to our floater.
Winston: What? Daniels?!
Aly: That guy tried to blackmail us.
Sergeant: That jelly bean? [laughs] Nice try. [laughing] Bishop, uh, can I take a picture of you eating a Popsicle?
Winston: What? No.
Aly: Just do it.

Jess: Oh, my God, I can't believe we got fired.
Schmidt: You never had a job here.
Jess: I'm so sorry, Schmidt.
Schmidt: It's not your fault. Entirely. I knew if I took my eye off the ball, these estrogen zombies would suck out my soul, but boy, did I love working here. I loved every one of these malnourished, high-strung sociopaths.

Cece: It means that she's thinking about you, so that's... that's good.
Nick: Most "derfinitely."
Cece: I'm sorry.
Nick: No, why sorry?
Cece: This is a success.
Nick: "Derfinitely, derfinitely, derfinitely."
Cece: I'm sorry, Nick; I am.
Nick: Turn "fiddy cent" into a dollar.

Schmidt: Whatever you do, don't let Nick touch it. I'm sure he's got lasagna all under his fingernails.

Winston: I tell you what, uh, I'll partner with Daniels.
Aly: You would do that for me?
Winston: I'll take Daniels, yeah.
Aly: Thank you.
Winston: Of course, of course, but... it does come at a price.
Aly: Ugh... I knew you were gonna... [sings] Gonna squeeze you tight Our love takes flight...
Winston: I just... I can't hear you.
Aly: [sings] Gonna squeeze you tight Our love takes flight [Winston joins in] Sometimes it scares me Other times it doesn't Gonna squeeze you tight Our love takes flight Our love Takes... Flight.

Cece: Yeah, but that was two months ago, and I need it by tomorrow night, Because I have to decide on my hair, on my jewelry...
Jess: Honey, honey, I am almost done with it.
Cece: So you got rid of the mirrors?
Jess: [laughing] Definitely.
Cece: The battery pack?
Jess: Oh, yeah.
Cece: The little weird jacket that makes me look like I'm in a street gang from the future?
Jess: All that crap's gone. I'll have it to you by tomorrow night. It's a guarantee.
Cece: Okay. [exits]
Jess: [to herself] I'm screwed.

Winston: I can't believe I got to spend a whole day without noodling you like this.
Aly: If anyone finds out we're together, they're not gonna let us be partners. So... Before we figure out what this is... Just be normal, okay? No kissing, no touching, no doing that sex bark you do.
Winston: [whines]
Aly: I said not to do it.
Winston: [whines twice]
Aly: And also no doing that song you made up about squeezing me tight.
Winston: [sings] Gonna squeeze you tight So wrong it's right
Cece: Gonna fly the kite... Sorry, I know that's your thing.
Aly: I did not know she was here.
Winston: I did.