Nick: We can do this.
Jess: Okay. Yeah.
Nick: We're gonna get our money's worth. We are the best ex-couple in the whole world.
Jess: Yeah, we are.
Nick: Yes. Okay?
Ship Employee: You guys are exes? Yeah, you're not gonna want to do this.
Jess: We're doing it.
Nick: Give us the folder.

Doug: We're going to make all the towel animals you guys find in your rooms every single night!
Jess: We made laundry.
Nick: Nice. [high-five]

Jess: This isn't weird at all.
Nick: No, it isn't.
Jess: Are they out of rosé?
Nick: You know what? This is an old bartending trick, Jess. Put your glass out. You go like this...
Jess: No way.
Nick: Look at that. You got some rosé.
Jess: You're a genius.
Nick: I think I'm smarter at sea.

Nick: Well, that was a mistake.
Jess: Yes, it was!
Nick: That was not on purpose.
Jess: My fault, too. Yep.
Nick: Yeah, it was... We can't do the grand romance package anymore.
Jess: I agree. We should-
Nick: No. It's too much. It's too intense. They whip you into this sexual frenzy.

Winston: Jess, I've been looking all over for you. I was hoping that as a group, we could do a little night fishing that I already put a deposit down on, so we're going. And if we don't catch anything, they'll let us shoot a machine gun directly into the water. That is international waters for you, baby.
Jess: I would really love nothing more than to go out there and shoot a bunch of fish in the face with you, but I think that's more of a Nick thing. And yesterday, we decided it would be better for everyone if we just spent the rest of the time apart.
Winston: What?
Jess: I'm really sorry. I wanted this to be a great vacation for you guys. But look, we split up the ship: I took starboard, he took the other one.

Schmidt: The opportunity has not presented itself as I'd hoped it would, so I'm creating it now. When I say, "May our progeny bathe in the infinite glow," that's your cue. Now, what what did I just say? You repeat it so I know that you know the cue.
Violinist: May our pro- What?
Schmidt: What's wrong with you? Unbelievable.
Violinist: I don't know what you're saying.
Schmidt: I'll just say, "go," okay? When I say, "go," you start to play. And before she sees, just get behind get behind the vent. Get behind the vent.

Schmidt: Cece.
Cece: Hmm? Hey.
Schmidt: Um, your hair in the moonlight It looks so shiny.
Cece: You know, I'm trying to get a signal so I can talk to Buster, but it's just impossible out here.
Schmidt: In the moonlight, your eyes, they sparkle like, like fish eyes.
Cece: I got one. Now, like, what, do I have to hold it at this angle the whole time?
Schmidt: Why is it so important for you to get in touch with Buster?
Cece: [sighs] Look, you know better than anyone that I don't have the best of luck with relationships. And I know you think he's young for me.
Schmidt: I don't. I just want you to be happy.
Cece: Thank you.
Winston: Guys, guys! You got to come with me right now. Be warned, though. There is a weird guy with a violin hiding behind this vent.
Cece: A what?
Winston: Dude! [groans]
Cece: What's going on?
Schmidt: Come on right. [to the violinist] I will... I will knock you out where you stand, sir. Get back there.

Schmidt: They're gonna take a break from being friends for a while? What does that even mean?
Winston: Guys, this is on us. We're the ones who put the pressure on them to not be weird.
Cece: I know. What were we thinking? Of course they're gonna be weird. They just broke up.
Coach: Hey, that's on y'all. I-I have nothing to do with that. I've just been chilling in the room. Hanging out, singing songs. [sings] You are safe in the room. You are safe, you will live.

Winston: I've been trying to get them to talk to each other all morning, okay? I passed up on breakfast pizza and singles bingo. And those bingo chicks? Oh, they put out. Bingo! They're not gonna listen to us.
Schmidt: [quietly] Don't-don't ever do that again.
Winston: The bingo thing? That's what they- It's funny, that's what they say when I...

Cece: You know who they will listen to, though?
Winston: A doctor.
Schmidt: The ca-
Winston: The president! What were you- What were you gonna say?
Schmidt: The captain.
Winston: The captain.