Adrian Monk: She's now gone meatless.
Elmer Gratnik: What?
Adrian Monk: Before he was killed, the ambassador said something like "she's now gone meatless." Does that mean anything to you?
Man: Excuse me. I think you are saying "sis nav mans metelis," which is not really Latvian. It's a completely different dialect, called high Tamien, but some people speak both.
Sharona: What does it mean?
Man: That means "this is not my coat."
Adrian Monk: This is not my coat.

Sharona: Okay, this is our exit, so stay close to me.
Adrian Monk: I keep thinking about what the ambassador said. "This is not my coat."
Sharona: But it was his coat.
Adrian Monk: I know.I can't figure it out. And how did it get wet? I think that coat is the key to... Oh, my God.
Sharona: Oh.
Adrian Monk: He's urinating!
Sharona: Oh, come. Hey, hey, hey, come on! What are you doing? There are people here! Come on.

Man: You see the queen? Come over here, man. Put your money down on the table, boy. Show me you got the cash, all right? $5 will get you $10, $10 will get you $20, all right? Put it down on the table, okay? Show me the queen. Show me the queen, man. [Monk points to a card] Right here? [turns card over] All right, all right. You a pretty smart fella. Smart fella playing the game. [Monk reaches for his money] No, no, no, no. We going to go again. We going to go again, double or nothing, all right? Double or nothing. Put the money down. There you go. That's all right, you know? I don't get mad when I lose. Never get mad when I lose. I just be glad when I win. Very glad when I win, okay? Here we go. Where the queen, huh? huh? You see the queen again?
[After Monk points to a card, the man turns it over to reveal a queen.]
Man: Game over.
Adrian Monk: Uh, well, what about my winnings?
Man: Look, me keeping it. You cheated.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me. I, I'd like to see your license.
Man: My what?
Adrian Monk: Your gaming license.
Man: I left it at home. Yeah, man, oh, I left it at home. You know, you just you reminded me. Stay right here, okay? I'll go get it.
Adrian Monk: Don't, don't take all day.
Man: No, no, I'll be right back, man.
Adrian Monk: His license better be current.

Captain Stottlemeyer: We didn't fly 3,000 miles to see "Cats".
Captain Walter Cage: Yeah, well, "Cats" is closed.

Captain Stottlemeyer: You gave me your word.
Captain Walter Cage: Come on, I didn't lie to you. If we close the ambassador case...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, I don't care about the frigging ambassador. He means less than zero to me, okay? My friend's wife got blown up. You understand? And it killed him, too. In a way.

Sharona: Adrian, what are you doing?
Street Preacher: We're spreading the word.
Sharona: Yeah, you're spreading something.
Adrian Monk: Don't listen to her, Jorel. I know her. She's a fornicator.
Sharona: Adrian, Adrian, no.
Adrian Monk: Fornicator!
Street Preacher: Fornicator!
Adrian Monk: Fornicator!
Street Preacher: Fornicator!
Adrian Monk: Fornicator!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Stop it! Come here.
Adrian Monk: Fornicator!
Sharona: [to the preacher] Shame on you!

Captain Stottlemeyer: Steven Leight. Hi, I'm Leland Stottlemeyer, San Francisco homicide. This is lieutenant Disher, Sharona Fleming and that's Adrian Monk. He's helping us out.
[Monk leans in close to get a good look at Steven's ear]
Sharona: He's nearsighted.

Adrian Monk: Do you live alone, sir?
Steven Leight: Yeah, now I do.
Adrian Monk: Who are you sleeping with?
Steven Leight: What, what, what are you talking about?
Adrian Monk: Well, your wife just died, but you're not sleeping alone, are you?
Steven Leight: Of course I am.
Adrian Monk: Well, you just bought some snoring medicine. There's only one reason a man buys snoring medicine. You're keeping somebody else awake.
Steven Leight: This conversation's over, okay? I don't have to talk to you, and I don't want to talk to you. If you have any more questions, here, I'll tell you what. Why don't you take a quarter? You call my lawyer.
Adrian Monk: What, what is that? Uh, a mint? Could I see that?
Steven Leight: Unbelievable. You want it, take it. Have a good day.

Lieutenant Disher: Mr. Leight, have you ever been inside this bar before?
Steven Leight: Maybe. I don't remember.
Adrian Monk: Maybe I can refresh your memory. You were here on Wednesday just minutes after you killed your wife.
Steven Leight: Ha ha. You're crazy.
Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. You took your wife to the park, and you found a secluded area, and when you were sure no one was watching, you shot her. Then you took her jewelry to make it look like a robbery. Afterwards, you were pretty shaken up.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Cold-blooded murder has a tendency to do that.
Adrian Monk: So you decided to have a drink before you called the police. Of course, you didn't notice that the ambassador from Latvia was sitting just a few feet away. Why would you? You'd never met the man. But then your worlds collided. The coat check girl gave him your coat by mistake. From what I've seen, that happens around here all the time. Later, when she gave you the ambassador's coat, you immediately realized what had happened.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You had to get your coat back, because your wife's jewelry was still in the pocket.
Adrian Monk: It could have easily been traced.
Lieutenant Disher: If anybody found it, they'd know you'd killed her.

Captain Stottlemeyer: How is he?
Nurse: He's on morphine, so there's no pain.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's too bad.