Captain Stottlemeyer: You okay?
Adrian Monk: Uh... Uh... Uh.. Yeah. Can we, uh... Think we could put down the, uh... The, um... The toilet seat?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nope. Tech guys haven't been here yet. We can't touch anything.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Okay, so, uh somebody was in the shower. And then, uh... So the... I can't- I can't- can't think.
[Stottlemeyer takes Monk's pen, removes the evidence label from the toilet, coughs as he closes the lid, then goes to return the pen to Monk]
Adrian Monk: Nah, keep it! Just keep it.

Lieutenant Disher: Captain, we know her. Uh, knew her.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Knew who?
Lieutenant Disher: The victim. She was a dispatcher at the old precinct.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No kidding. Oh, yeah. About ten years ago. Gail something.
Adrian Monk: Gail Segalis. Oh, my God. I used to carpool with her. Oh, she was always talking about trips she wanted to take. She said if she ever made it to the Parthenon, she was gonna send me a picture.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, looks like she made it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, is this a boyfriend? I love boyfriends. Let's find him.
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir.

Adrian Monk: What's this?
Lieutenant Disher: What do you got?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: The price is in euros. She brought it back with her.
Adrian Monk: Where's the wine?
Lieutenant Disher: Probably drank it.
Adrian Monk: Where's the bottle?

Natalie: [answers phone] Hello? Yes. He's right here. Who's this? A what? A friend of whose? This is Adrian Monk. What number are you calling? Yeah. Hold on. Mr. Monk? It's Hal?
Adrian Monk: Hal! Hal? He called me? [takes the phone] Hello? Yeah, yeah, of course I remember you. Yeah. Oh, it was... Yeah, it was nice meeting you too. Bumping into you. All right, I get it, I get it. It was a play on words. Oh, that was just my assistant Natalie. Huh? Hold on. Hold on, I'll see. Are you hot?
Natalie: What?
Adrian Monk: What, tom- tomorrow? Oh, sure. I- Sure, that sounds okay. Yeah, that sounds great. All right, okay, great. I'll see you then. [hangs up] That was Hal.
Natalie: Who is Hal?
Adrian Monk: Oh, he's just a guy. He's a friend. We're going to the hockey game tomorrow.
Lieutenant Disher: The hockey game?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Kramer, what're you doing tomorrow?
Kramer: Going to the beach with the kids.
Adrian Monk: Can't go with ya. I'm going to the hockey game. Captain, you don't need me tomorrow, do ya?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No.
Adrian Monk: Good, 'cause I'm goin' to the game.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. I heard.

Adrian Monk: What are you doing?
Natalie: I'm cleaning.
Adrian Monk: No, I don't want it too clean! He'll think I'm some kind of a freak. I left five crumbs out.
Natalie: Yeah, I only see one, two, three, four.
Adrian Monk: Four! God! Four. Here, here it is. Okay, there it is.

Hal Tucker: Adrian?
Adrian Monk: Hey, Hal!
Hal Tucker: Hey, there. I hope you don't mind I let myself in.
Adrian Monk: Oh, Hal's here.
Hal Tucker: I brought in your mail. Hey, nice crib.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah, uh, thanks.
[The Star Spangled Banner plays]
Hal Tucker: Patriotic, I like that. Most people wouldn't have the guts.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So this is my crib. Excuse the mess, okay?
Hal Tucker: What mess?
Adrian Monk: Well, you know. The crumbs, there's five crumbs there.

Hal Tucker: So, you ready to roll? It's gonna be a great game.
Adrian Monk: Absolutely. Go Sharks!
Hal Tucker: Oh, I love it! That's great. We'll see ya later.
Adrian Monk: We'll see ya later. [both exit]
Julie Teeger: I like him.
Natalie: Yeah, I do too. I wonder what he's up to.

Man: Take the shot! Come on, take the shot! Take the shot!
Adrian Monk: Take the shot! Take the shot!
Hal Tucker: How about these seats, huh?
Adrian Monk: Oh, they're excellent. They're really bolted in.
Hal Tucker: Yeah.
Hal Tucker: Oh, man. Did you see that? What the hell was that?
Adrian Monk: The hell if I know! What the hell was that?! Hell.

Hal Tucker: Cheech is really off his game tonight.
Adrian Monk: Yes. Yes, last year, Jonathan Cheechoo, whose nickname is Cheech, was the third highest-scoring right wing in the league. He was born in Ontario.
Hal Tucker: Really? That's interesting.
Adrian Monk: It is?
Hal Tucker: Yeah.

Adrian Monk: Smudge.
Hal Tucker: What?
Adrian Monk: There's a smudge. On the glass. It's on the inside. We can't get it.
Hal Tucker: Right.
Adrian Monk: It's no big deal, right?
Hal Tucker: No.
Adrian Monk: Who cares? Right? Let's just think about something else.