Adrian Monk: Rhyming dictionary?
Kendra Frank: Yeah, he was writing songs. That was his dream. He was really shy about it though. He wouldn't even play me his stuff.
Natalie: Who's this?
Kendra Frank: Oh, that's his daughter, Margaret.
Natalie: Oh, no, where is she?
Kendra Frank: Tennessee, her mom moved her there after they split. I guess I should call them. I know I have their number somewhere.
Kris Kedder: Oh, hell, I'm late. Gotta go be famous. Catch you later.
Adrian Monk: You'll catch me later?
Kris Kedder: [chuckles]

Adrian Monk: Something's wrong. Did either of you move anything?
Natalie: No.
Kendra Frank: No.
Adrian Monk: Something's different. There was an envelope. A white envelope, right here.
Natalie: There was? Oh, it's a receipt. Registered mail, he mailed something to himself.
Kendra Frank: I remember that. That was about six months ago, I went to the Post Office with him. He was mailing sheet music to himself. He called it his insurance policy.
Natalie: What song?
Kendra Frank: I don't know.
Adrian Monk: I think I do. The song Kris Kedder was just singing.
Kendra Frank: Peggy's Gone to Memphis.
Adrian Monk: Kedder didn't write that song. Stork wrote it about his daughter. Peggy is short for Margaret. Peggy's Gone to Memphis.
Kendra Frank: Oh, my God, he just took that envelope.
Adrian Monk: We can't prove anything without that envelope.

Lieutenant Disher: Wait, Kris Kedder? You mean the singer?
Adrian Monk: He's the guy.
Lieutenant Disher: No, no, no, that's not possible. I've known Kris Kedder for years.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Personally?
Lieutenant Disher: No.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, it doesn't matter, the--the D.A. not gonna buy it! We don't have anything! We don't have any real physical evidence!
Lieutenant Disher: What about- What about the sheet music?
Natalie: Nah, he burned it onstage!
Captain Stottlemeyer: All we've got is this guitar string! And that's not enough, and you know it.
Adrian Monk: The beach ball. The beach ball!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Excuse me?
Adrian Monk: When he was pretending to be Stork, and he was still... still in disguise, Kedder blew up that blue beach ball!
Lieutenant Disher: There'll be a million fingerprints on that ball, Monk!
Adrian Monk: The proof is not on the beach ball, it's in the beach ball.
Natalie: Oh, the asthma!
Lieutenant Disher: In the beach ball?
Adrian Monk: Kris Kedder has asthma! He uses an inhaler. A very distinctive inhaler.
Natalie: And it's mint-flavored, it's one of a kind.
Adrian Monk: If we can get that blue beach ball to the lab intact...
Captain Stottlemeyer: You're talking about the air inside the ball!
Adrian Monk: Yes!
Captain Stottlemeyer: There was a witness, somebody who witnessed him blowing it up!
Natalie: And he was impersonating the victim! Is that enough?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes. Yes, it is.

Security Guard: Whoa, whoa, calm down. We got a police emergency here. This guy needs to talk to the crowd.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me, hello. I don't mean to kill your buzz.
Man: [o.s.] Go home!
Woman: [o.s.] Yeah, get out of here.
Adrian Monk: I am a former police officer. [crowd boos] Thank you, thank you very much. Take it easy. Everybody chill. That blue beach ball contains material evidence in a homicide investigation. So we need you to bring the blue beach ball down to the stage.
Man: [o.s.] Hey, you suck!
Adrian Monk: Yes, I know. I know. It's true. I am a straight. But I have a dream. A dream that someday all the hippies and all the straights can live together side by side. Not too close. Because, you know, the smell.
Man: [o.s.] Go home!
Adrian Monk: You know, the hippie smell. Okay, okay, people, I need that ball! I'm not joking!
Crowd: [chant] Music! Music!
Adrian Monk: All right, that's it. That- That's obstruction! You're all under arrest! If you cannot afford an attorney...

Captain Stottlemeyer: Good job, son, give me the ball.
Kris Kedder: Don't! Don't you do it. He's a cop. What's your name?
Jared Stottlemeyer: Jared.
Kris Kedder: Jared.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Jared, this is very important, give me the ball.
Kris Kedder: Hey, man, you do everything the cops tell you? You know I don't. I like your shirt.
Jared Stottlemeyer: Thanks, man.
Kris Kedder: You play?
Jared Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Me and you, we should jam sometime.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Jared, listen to me. If he deflates that ball, we don't have a case.
Kris Kedder: Dude, he's trying to set me up. 'Cause of what I am. What I represent.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's nonsense! Jared, you might not like me, but you know me.
Kris Kedder: You don't trust cops, do you?
Jared Stottlemeyer: I trust this one.

Lieutenant Disher: Hey, check this T-shirt out. Sweet, huh?
Natalie: That's gonna be worth a fortune when he's convicted.
Lieutenant Disher: Exactly.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, we'll meet you guys back at the car. Jared, what do you think? How about a couple of pictures for my wallet? So I got a good one for the next time you take off.
Jared Stottlemeyer: All right.