Lieutenant Disher: Sorry I'm late.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Don't tell me. All right, tell me.
Lieutenant Disher: It's an outreach program. The a department's sponsoring it. It's called "Buddies in Blue."
Captain Stottlemeyer: And?
Lieutenant Disher: You know, kids in the city sending time with cops. I'm taking four kids camping this weekend. It's gonna be so much fun. Everybody's gonna get a badge.
Adrian Monk: Almost everybody.

Captain Stottlemeyer: What is that? What do you got? Peanut Shell?
Adrian Monk: These shells were twisted apart. Most people just split 'em down the middle right?
Natalie: Well, that's how I eat it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, me too.
Lieutenant Disher: I'm allergic so I don't eat 'em.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good work, detective.

Natalie: No, Mr. Monk, it's camping.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, in the woods.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I know what camping is.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't think you do.
Adrian Monk: Well, you said I should play the game; that's what I'm doing.
Natalie: No, no, I meant more like an indoor game like gin rummy or...
Adrian Monk: I'm going camping with little Brian Willis. Camping and schmoozing all weekend long. Oh, yeah. And then he's gonna come home with a lot of stories about Adrian Monk.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm sure he will.

Adrian Monk: Captain Willis. Hey, I thought that was you.
Captain Frank Willis: Are you part of this?
Adrian Monk: Yes, sir. I'm one of the instructors. Because I love kids. I forgot to mention that yesterday, but I love kids. Because they're the future, aren't they? So I guess I'll be getting to know your son here. I mean, I'm assuming he's your son unless he's your younger brother.
Brian Willis: His brother?
Adrian Monk: Well, I mean, you seem so mature, and you look so young.
Brian Willis: And you're a detective?
Adrian Monk: Oh, ho, good comeback. Good comeback. Okay, well, that's enough schmoozing. Let's go camping!

Captain Stottlemeyer: I just had two cups of coffee, I could do this all day. So let's try again. Where is your boyfriend?
Winona: Which one?
Captain Stottlemeyer: The one you've been living with for three years. Luke Johnston. The one that robbed that armored car with his brother.
Winona: Luke didn't rob anybody.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Winona, listen to me, this this wasn't just another smash and grab. A guard got killed. And we found Luke's fingerprints near the scene.
Winona: Near the scene. What does that mean?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It means I want to talk to him. That's what it means. Where are they?
Winona: No idea.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sure you do.
I'm not saying another word. Luke and Del are like family.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That guard had a family. Winona, I want you to give Luke and Del a message, and don't tell me that you can't because I know that you can. I want you to tell them that Leland Stottlemeyer says hi. And I will see them soon.

Brian Willis: Look, it's not gonna work.
Adrian Monk: What?
Brian Willis: Kissing my butt to impress my father.
Adrian Monk: Me? What are you talking about?
Brian Willis: I heard him talking about you. You're the cop that went crazy and now you want your old job back. Don't deny it. You can't make him like you. Believe me, I've tried.

Will Dellman: I'm hungry.
Nicky Phillips: Me too. When's lunch?
Lieutenant Disher: I'm thinking we'd stop about noon.
Norman Walters: What time is it now?
Lieutenant Disher: That's a good question. All right, this is called a sundial, guys. There's the sun, there's the dial, it's gonna tell us the time.
Will Dellman: Why don't you just use your watch?
Lieutenant Disher: 'cause this is more fun. Come on, the pioneers didn't use wristwatches or iPods. All right, let's see now. Say it's about... 10:25. [kids groan] Come on, guys, all right, fine. If you need a snack you can... Hey, eat some of those berries.
Nicky Phillips: No, no, that's not a good idea. They're called moonseed berries. They're extremely toxic.
Adrian Monk: Why don't we just agree that everything in the woods is bad for you? Let's not eat or touch or smell anything.

Will Dellman: Look. Bullet Shells.
Lieutenant Disher: Whoa, looks like someone was taking a little target practice.
Adrian Monk: Probably some juvies.
Brian Willis: Juvies?
Adrian Monk: No, you know, they were probably playing hooky. Do you play hooky? I know I did when I was a kid. Yeah, I was a real hood. I was a hood in the hood.
Brian Willis: Somebody kill me.
Adrian Monk: You know, like neighborhood, right?

Lieutenant Disher: I can't believe this is the same sky we have in San Francisco. I could get used to this. How about you?
Adrian Monk: Eh, I can never get used to anything. Listen, Randy, I wanted to apologize.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, yeah, I get it. You're just trying to impress Brain. Schmoozing, right? How's it going?
Adrian Monk: Terrible.
Lieutenant Disher: You know, he's a good kid, Monk. They all are.

Nicky Phillips: That was a mature Grizzly. They can run up to 30 miles an hour.
Lieutenant Disher: I read somewhere that he's probably more scared of us than we are of him.
Adrian Monk: That's not true. That can't be true.
Nicky Phillips: This is all his fault. If you see a bear you're not supposed to yell! You're supposed to talk to it calmly. Calmly, like this.
Will Dellman: Did you guys hear him? He was screaming like a little girl.
Adrian Monk: I wasn't screaming, exactly.
Brian Willis: You were screaming and crying. We all saw you. You're so pathetic.
Adrian Monk: I was warning you. I was you know, sounding the alarm. Like- Like Paul Revere.
Brian Willis: More like Paul Revere's scared little sister.
Adrian Monk: You joker. He didn't have a sister.