Adrian Monk: Sold out, sold out. Chocolate Pretzels! Do you have seven dimes and a nickel, or three quarters or a hammer?
Natalie: Yeah, let's get some candy later. Right now, we're gonna go talk to Dr. Bell.
Adrian Monk: You mean Dr. Smell?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, what's going on? Did you take some cold medicine?
Adrian Monk: No, he just talked to me. He didn't give me any medicine.
Natalie: Who? Who talked to you?
Adrian Monk: Nobody.
Natalie: Oh, my God. You went to that hypnotist. Mr. Monk, I need you to look at me. Look at me right now. Look at me, listen to me. How old are you?
Adrian Monk: How old are you?
Natalie: Adrian, I need you to tell me right now. How old are you?
Adrian Monk: That's for me to know, and you to find out. I call shotgun!

Dr. Bell: You like pancakes, huh?
Adrian Monk: Love 'em!
Dr. Bell: [chuckles] I'll bet you always wanted pancakes like this for breakfast.
Adrian Monk: Always wanted 'em! But my mom never made 'em. Never. Davey Palmer, he lived across the street. They had pancakes every day. We never did.
Dr. Bell: So this is like a dream come true.
Adrian Monk: Hoppy likes 'em too!
Dr. Bell: Look at that! Look at hoppy! Listen, I'm gonna talk to your friend for just a minute. I'll be right back.

Lieutenant Disher: You're not gonna believe this. This is weird.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Weirder than this?
Lieutenant Disher: They just found Sally Larkin in Sonoma County. She's alive.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. We gotta go. Thanks, doc.
Adrian Monk: I call shotgun!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Listen, young feller. Why don't you just stay here with Natalie and draw us a picture?
Dr. Bell: Look, actually. If he's not in the way, I would consider bringing him along. Treat him as an adult. Just stick to the normal routine. I think that's the best medicine.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, you can come.
Adrian Monk: Can I bring Hoppy?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, Monk, it's a crime scene. You can't bring a frog to a crime scene. [Dr. Bell clears his throat] Okay, Hoppy can come.

Captain Stottlemeyer: She's still at the hospital. We haven't got a statement yet. Pretty obvious what happened here, though. He kept her chained up in the corner.
Natalie: Oh, my God. Like an animal.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep. Probably drove up here every night, brought her food and water. [Monk tries to take Stottlemeyer's gun] Hey, hey, hey! It's not a toy.
Natalie: Here Mr. Monk, look, look... Look, a tractor! Go sit over here.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey! Hey!
Lieutenant Disher: So why didn't he just kill her?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm sure he intended to eventually.

Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm sorry, I'll explain later. Could you go on, please?
Sally Larkin: Well, last night, before he came back, I had pried one of the floorboards loose, and then I pretended to be asleep. When he got closer, I hit him. I didn't mean to- To kill him. Maybe I did.
Adrian Monk: Or maybe I did. Or maybe I did. I didn't mean to kill him. I'm innocent, I tell ya. She's a liar, liar, pants on fire!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk.
Adrian Monk: A girl can't beat up a boy. That's scientifically impossible, A.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, look. I don't care what Dr. Bell Said, Natalie. One more peep, I want him out of here, understood?
Natalie: One more peep, and I'll clobber him myself.
Adrian Monk: What's that smell? Keep your arms down. [puts armpit in Natalie's face]

Adrian Monk: Is that gum on your shoe? How much would you give me to eat this?
Lieutenant Disher: Five bucks. [Monk puts the shoe to his mouth]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, for god's sake! Monk, that's disgusting!
Natalie: Spit it out. Please, spit that out right now.
Adrian Monk: Five bucks.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, all right. He earned it.
Adrian Monk: Wait a minute. She is a liar, Stottlemeyer. She's a big, fat liar. And I can prove it.
Sally Larkin: Do I have to listen to this?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No ma'am, you do not. Natalie, I said one more peep.
Adrian Monk: But she made the whole thing up. I can prove it!
Natalie: Just a minute. Tell me in the car.
Adrian Monk: You are in a lot of trouble, facelift. You are going to jail.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Get him out of here!
Adrian Monk: You are a bad lady.
Natalie: You know what? And you're a bad boy. All right? We're gonna go home. You need a time out.
Adrian Monk: Don't you wanna hear how I figured it out?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, I do not!
Adrian Monk: All right, fine! I'm not gonna tell ya! I'm not gonna tell any of you, because. Because I hate you. And by the way, you're all stupid. And you don't deserve to know the truth. And also by the way, you're never gonna see me again. Ever. 'cause I'm going to France. Come on, Hoppy. You're not stupid.

Woman: This park is for children. Why don't you go home? Come on, honey. Let's get out of here.
Adrian Monk: She's right, Hoppy. Let's go home.

Adrian Monk: [to Hoppy] Okay, this is it, my friend. Home sweet home. At least one of us will be free. Go ahead.
Go on. You can do it. Atta boy.
Sally Larkin: Hello. It's Adrian, right? How did you get here?
Adrian Monk: I took the bus.
Sally Larkin: Oh, good for you. All by yourself?
Adrian Monk: Me and the frog.
Sally Larkin: Oh, right. Hoppy, right? Well, are you hungry? I've got some cookies in the house.
Adrian Monk: I know what you did. And I know how you did it.
Sally Larkin: What, do you think I still did something bad? Why? Is it because I'm a girl?
Adrian Monk: Because you're a girl who signed a pre-nup and then regretted it. You wanted it all, didn't you? All his money.
Sally Larkin: [sighs] You're different.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Somebody wanna tell me what's going on?
Adrian Monk: Just take the gum. Just take the gum. It's material evidence. Take the gum. I'll explain everything later. Just take the gum.
Lieutenant Disher: Is this my gum?
Adrian Monk: God. Oh, my God!
Lieutenant Disher: There's no need to fight over this. I've got a basement full of this stuff.
Adrian Monk: It was in your mouth. And it was on her shoe. And I was chewing it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Are you-
Adrian Monk: I was chewing it!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Are you okay?
Adrian Monk: I gotta go home and gargle for a very long time. Oh, my God. Is that mud? Is that- Is that mud?! Is that mud?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, Monk, it's mud! Welcome back!

Natalie: I could make you some pancakes.
Adrian Monk: No, I'm fine.
Natalie: We have that syrup you like.
Adrian Monk: No, I'm good. Thank you.
Natalie: They grow up so fast.
Adrian Monk: What?
Natalie: Nothing.