Sharona: Is this your old bedroom?
Adrian Monk: Mm-hmm.
Sharona: Wow. How does it feel to be in here?
Adrian Monk: Horrible. Thank you for asking.

Ambrose Monk: He was parked by the southern entrance.
Sharona: How do you know that?
Ambrose Monk: It's obvious. Why don't you tell her, Adrian?
Adrian Monk: Uh...
Ambrose Monk: The yellow acorns on his truck, which can only mean he was parked under a spotted oak tree.
Sharona: Wow.
Ambrose Monk: Which are found?
Adrian Monk: Uh...
Ambrose Monk: Near water.
Sharona: Wow.
Ambrose Monk: So that's near the river by the southern entrance.
Sharona: Wow.
Ambrose Monk: Please stop saying "Wow."
Ambrose Monk: This detective stuff is easy.
Sharona: Looks like you got a new partner.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, for any crime committed within 30 feet of this property.

Adrian Monk: Come on. He's heading downtown.
Sharona: Ambrose, come with us.
Ambrose Monk: Me? No, no, no.
Sharona: You're just gonna hide in this house for the rest of your life?
Ambrose Monk: That's my plan, yes.

Ambrose Monk: Captain. I- I have your coffee, Captain.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Thank you. Why is it numbered?
Ambrose Monk: Mother numbered all the mugs.
Adrian Monk: So we'd always put them back in the right order.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Of course she did. What did she do if a mug got broken?
Ambrose Monk: What?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What happened if a mug got broken?
Ambrose Monk: Number nine. It slipped. I couldn't help it.
Adrian Monk: Ambrose, not now.
Ambrose Monk: It was not my fault.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm sorry.
Ambrose Monk: It was not my fault.

Sharona: You guys, look at this. Look at this. Here's the schedule for all the charity events with a list of prizes. There are three homemade pies being given away. At the raffle, the potato sack race-
Adrian Monk: And number three?
Sharona: They're giving it away tomorrow. You play bingo?
Adrian Monk: No. Is it fun?
Sharona: It's a lot of fun. You're gonna hate it.

Adrian Monk: He never apologized. Did you notice that?
Sharona: Adrian, he's trying his best. The man's in pain.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, well, who isn't? How can somebody not call for seven years and then just act like nothing happened?
Sharona: Are you gonna stay mad at him forever?
Adrian Monk: No, not forever. Just until I die.

Sharona: Was that your swing set?
Adrian Monk: My father put it up when I was eight. It's probably the happiest day of my life.
Sharona: Looked like fun.
Adrian Monk: I wouldn't know.
Sharona: You never used it?
Adrian Monk: I mean, look at it. It's a death trap. But it was fun watching him put it up.
Sharona: He must have been disappointed.
Adrian Monk: Well, he was used to it by then. Two months later, he went out to pick up some Chinese food, never came back.

Sharona: Ambrose, you know what? Adrian's scared too all the time. But he doesn't let that stop him. Okay, now you tell me, what does he have that you don't have?
Ambrose Monk: He has you.

Ambrose Monk: I save all my mail. When Dad comes back he'll want to see his mail.
Adrian Monk: Ambrose.
Ambrose Monk: It'll be all ready for him.
Adrian Monk: He's not coming back.
Ambrose Monk: You don't know.
Adrian Monk: Yes, I do.
Ambrose Monk: You don't know everything! Mr. Great Detective! Why aren't you out there looking for him?
Adrian Monk: 'Cause I'm afraid I might find him.

Adrian Monk: Captain, here. He's trying- He's- He's trying to get rid of the evidence!
Sharona: It's in the pie!
Pat van Ranken: Officer, I'd like to file a complaint. These two have been harassing me all weekend.
Lieutenant Disher: Sir, could you put the pie on the truck?
Pat van Ranken: What?
Lieutenant Disher: You heard me. Put the pie down and step away. Step away from the pie.
Pat van Ranken: Look, I live next door to his brother. They're both nuts.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I know they are, sir. Please, put the pie on the truck. Please.