Adrian Monk: Don't answer it. Don't- Just don't answer it. I- I might have a brother.
Sharona: You told me you were an only child.
Adrian Monk: I consider myself an only child. We're not close. He- He has issues.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Your brother has issues?
Adrian Monk: Don't you people have work to do? There's a dead woman over there.

Adrian Monk: Ignore it. Just ignore it. He'll stop eventually. He has to sleep.
Sharona: What's his name?
Adrian Monk: Ambrose.
Sharona: What does he do?
Adrian Monk: He writes instruction manuals for blenders and toaster ovens. He lives in Tewkesbury.
Sharona: He lives 10 minutes away?
Adrian Monk: Mm-hmm.
Sharona: Well, if you don't pick up the phone, he's just gonna come over.
Adrian Monk: No. He can't. He never leaves the house. He has agoraphobia. I told you. He's... [whistles]

Sharona: When was the last time you spoke to him?
Adrian Monk: About four years ago. Maybe five.
Sharona: Was it four or five?
Adrian Monk: Six. Seven. Look... He didn't come to Trudy's funeral.
Sharona: But you just said that he can't leave the house.
Adrian Monk: He never called or wrote. Not one word.
Sharona: Did you call him?
Adrian Monk: Yes! A hundred times. Never picked up the phone.
Sharona: Maybe he's calling to apologize.
Adrian Monk: It's too late. I don't need him.
Sharona: Well, I think you do.

Sharona: Is that him?
Adrian Monk: [waves to Ambrose] Okay. Let's go.
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: I waved at him. He waved at me. That's enough for one decade.
Sharona: Adrian, you can't leave. He's your brother.

Ambrose Monk: Then I heard gunshots.
Sharona: Are you sure?
Ambrose Monk: Four shots. It sounded like a Lane and Westing nine-millimeter.
Adrian Monk: Lane and Westing doesn't make a nine-millimeter.
Ambrose Monk: They did until 1992. I know that gun. I wrote the manual for it.

[As Sharona hugs Monk:]
Adrian Monk: What- What are you doing? What- What- What's that for?
Sharona: For making my family seem normal.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay, okay.

Adrian Monk: He's delusional. He is the worst eyewitness in the world.
Sharona: But he heard gunshots.
Adrian Monk: Sharona, the whole town's been celebrating all week. It was probably some kid setting off firecrackers.
Sharona: Well, at least you two were talking again.
Adrian Monk: I'm glad you enjoyed it, because that's it. I am never setting foot in that house again. Okay, I have my own problems.
Sharona: Really? I never noticed.
Adrian Monk: Now you're being sardonic.

Sharona: Yes, hi. I'm Sharona Fleming, and this is Adrian Monk.
Pat van Ranken: Monk? From next door?
Adrian Monk: No, no. No, no. He's- He's my brother.
Pat van Ranken: You almost gave me a heart attack. That guy hasn't left the house in, what, 20 years?
Adrian Monk: Thirty-two.
Pat van Ranken: My wife knows him. What is he? Scared of stuff?
Adrian Monk: Yes. Yes, he's scared of stuff. Stuff and... and things.

Pat van Ranken: Excuse the mess. I was just cleaning up. I don't know where she put it.
Adrian Monk: Is that a shoe?
Pat van Ranken: Yeah, it's my wife's. Guess she decided she didn't like them.
Adrian Monk: It's funny there's only one. They... [chuckles] Usually come in pairs.
Pat van Ranken: What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: I was just just looking for that other shoe. It must be around here somewhere. They really should be together. They're a... They're a, you know, a pair.
Pat van Ranken: I'm sure it'll turn up.
Adrian Monk: Well, when it does, could you give me a call? Uh, it'd mean a lot to me.
Pat van Ranken: Yeah. I'll do that.

Sharona: What's he doing?
Adrian Monk: He's looking for something. That's why he tripped. He didn't want to win the race. He was trying to come in second. He wanted the pie.
Sharona: Why?
Adrian Monk: Well, obviously, he... You see, Sharona, what happened was... I have no idea.