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‘Mr. Monk and the Bully’ Quotes   Page 2 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Bully

714. Mr. Monk and the Bully

Aired February 6, 2009

Monk is contacted by his childhood bully who suspects his wife is having an affair.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Yeah, look, Mr. Monk, I have to tell you something. I made a decision. If you want to keep following Mrs.
Brody, I suppose that's your right. Although it really isn't. But I can't help you anymore.
Adrian Monk: Why not?
Natalie: I'm just not comfortable. Her husband fired us.
Adrian Monk: It's what they call pro bono.
Natalie: No, pro bono is for lawyers. This is stalking.
Adrian Monk: No, this is comeuppance. Pro bono comeuppance.
Natalie: No, that is just crazy talk.
Adrian Monk: It's not crazy talk.
Natalie: Pro bono comeuppance? It's craziest talk there is. You heard what he said. He wants you to quit.
Adrian Monk: I wanted him to quit! I begged him to quit 40 years ago in stall number three.

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Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: His name is Douglas J. Fendle. Or, rather it was Douglas J. Fendle. I guess still is. But doesn't matter. Let's move on.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Let me talk to you for a minute please. Do you think Roderick Brody did this? Well, he said he didn't believe us.
Adrian Monk: Apparently he reconsidered.
Natalie: Well, that's horrible. A man is dead.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I know. And that's a murder in the first degree. And you know what that means? Prison swirlies. Prison swirlies. You don't even want to know about prison swirlies. They're not even technically real swirlies. You were right about karma. It is fantastic.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Adrian Monk: We've been following him.
Natalie: Right.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You were following him? I wonder why.
Adrian Monk: Well, he was seeing a woman. A married woman. And we're following her.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You were following the woman. I wonder why.
Natalie: Her husband hired us.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Until you hear different, I wonder why?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: What? What are you doing? You're doing divorce work now?
Natalie: No, he was just doing a favor. He was an old friend of Mr. Monk's.
Adrian Monk: Wouldn't exactly say he was a friend. More of an acquaintance actually. He beat me up every week for three years.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And that would explain the stupid grin on your face. You think you're getting even.
Adrian Monk: I know I'm getting even.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I told you about your wife and Mr. Fendle. And then two hours later, Fendle was dead. It looks pretty bad, Roddy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Um, skipping ahead. 8:00 last night?
Roderick Brody: I told you. I was home with Marilyn. We rented a movie.
Adrian Monk: What's the matter, Roddy? You look a little flushed. Get it?
Roderick Brody: No.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Neither do i.
Lieutenant Disher: Flushed?
Adrian Monk: He gets it. Trust me. He gets it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, Monk, we'll take it from here, okay? Thank you.
Adrian Monk: I bet the room is just swirling around you right now, isn't it? It's swirling all around. Your whole life is about to go down the drain. Wait, I have more. Your thoughts are overflowing.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Mr. Monk, there you are. What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Ssh. Listen. You hear that? Birds. They're singing. Is that a lark?
Natalie: I don't know.
Adrian Monk: You know how I feel? Liberated. I should've confronted that S.O. You-know-what years ago. B. I still can't believe I won.
Natalie: Yeah, Mr. Monk, I don't think anybody really won anything.
Adrian Monk: You're right of course. You're right. Except me. I won big time.
Natalie: Are you gonna start singing?
Adrian Monk: I could! I almost could.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Roderick Brody: You know, to tell you the truth, I'm not so sure about that anymore. The woman I saw, maybe she wasn't Marilyn. My eyes aren't so great. I could've been wrong.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. You weren't wrong. It was her.
Roderick Brody: I'm just, I'm not convinced. I need some real proof. You know, last night was our anniversary and Marilyn surprised me. She bought us tickets. We're going on a cruise. Like a second honeymoon thing. I think we're in a good place.
Adrian Monk: No, no. You're in a bad place. You're in heartbreak hotel. Look at the next one.
Roderick Brody: Is that a spoon?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, look closer. See the reflection? See, that's them. That's your wife. That's your beloved wife. This is killing you.
Roderick Brody: I don't see it.
Adrian Monk: No, it's eating you up.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: You know what I am gonna do though? I'm gonna do a cartwheel. I'm gonna do a cartwheel right here. You might want to stand back. It's my first cartwheel. That's perfect. Plenty of room there. Great. I'm gonna do it right here. What am I doing? A man's been killed, right? A man was stabbed to death.
Natalie: Yeah, that's what I've been saying.
Adrian Monk: This is no time for cartwheels. Why don't I listen to you?
Natalie: I don't know.
Adrian Monk: On the other hand, I have been waiting 40 years for this. I mean this is a moment to savor. It may never happen again. I'm doing the cartwheel. I am doing it. I can't do it. It's ghoulish! I mean, one man dead, another man going to jail. Am I a ghoul?
Natalie: No, you're not a ghoul.
Adrian Monk: What is a ghoul?
Natalie: I don't know.
Adrian Monk: I don't care! That is my arch enemy! One cartwheel. I gotta do it. I can't do it. Natalie, do the Cartwheel.
Natalie: What?
Adrian Monk: Come on, it's a good compromise. Cartwheel by proxy. And don't forget to say "wee." Gotta say "wee!"

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Well, I've decided to really help you. Until now I've sort of been faking it. The truth is I was hoping that your wife was cheating on you. I was sort of glad when you got arrested.
Roderick Brody: You were glad?
Adrian Monk: Well I figured, it was payback.
Roderick Brody: For what?
Adrian Monk: For what? For- For what?
Roderick Brody: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: For seventh grade! For ruining my life! Weren't- Weren't you listening?
Roderick Brody: Are you talking about the swirlies?
Adrian Monk: Yes! Yes, yes, yes. You used to terrorize me.
Roderick Brody: Hey, you gave as good as you got.
Adrian Monk: What are you talking about?
Roderick Brody: You didn't just roll over like a lot of those kids. I remember. You called me names. You hurt my feelings. And you splashed me.
Adrian Monk: I splashed you?
Roderick Brody: Yeah, but I don't dwell on it. What am I gonna do? Hold a grudge for 30 years? I figure we're even.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I can't look. This is the worst comeuppance ever. You lied to me.
Natalie: About what?
Adrian Monk: Karma.
Natalie: You're blaming me for this?
Adrian Monk: Yes. Yes, I am.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Roderick Brody: Oh, I know she's lying. I just can't figure out why. I've been sitting here for two hours wrecking my brain.
Adrian Monk: Racking your brain.
Roderick Brody: Here's what I know, okay? I know I didn't do it. And I know she didn't do it cause I was with her all night.
Adrian Monk: Where did she get the knife. [walks towards mirror]
Roderick Brody: I don't know. Where did she get the knife? I can't figure it. Something's going on here but I... Are you okay?
Adrian Monk: That's me.
Roderick Brody: Yeah. It's a mirror.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God. She did it.
Roderick Brody: Who did what?
Adrian Monk: Marilyn. Your wife. Last night she was at the hotel. She killed Doug Fendle.
Roderick Brody: I feel like I'm in eighth grade geometry class here I don't understand. I told you I was with her. Was she with me or was she at the hotel?
Adrian Monk: Yes. And no. She was with you and she was at the hotel.
Roderick Brody: She was both?
Adrian Monk: Twins.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: So how did you know?
Adrian Monk: Little things. They began to add up. When I first met her, she mentioned her aunt in Texas. She pronounced it "ant." This morning, she said...
Marilyn Brady: "My aunt is flying in tomorrow."
Adrian Monk: And the fingernails. Two days ago, she was biting them. This morning they were long and perfectly manicured.

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