Adrian Monk: I told you about your wife and Mr. Fendle. And then two hours later, Fendle was dead. It looks pretty bad, Roddy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Um, skipping ahead. 8:00 last night?
Roderick Brody: I told you. I was home with Marilyn. We rented a movie.
Adrian Monk: What's the matter, Roddy? You look a little flushed. Get it?
Roderick Brody: No.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Neither do i.
Lieutenant Disher: Flushed?
Adrian Monk: He gets it. Trust me. He gets it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, Monk, we'll take it from here, okay? Thank you.
Adrian Monk: I bet the room is just swirling around you right now, isn't it? It's swirling all around. Your whole life is about to go down the drain. Wait, I have more. Your thoughts are overflowing.

Natalie: Mr. Monk, there you are. What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Ssh. Listen. You hear that? Birds. They're singing. Is that a lark?
Natalie: I don't know.
Adrian Monk: You know how I feel? Liberated. I should've confronted that S.O. You-know-what years ago. B. I still can't believe I won.
Natalie: Yeah, Mr. Monk, I don't think anybody really won anything.
Adrian Monk: You're right of course. You're right. Except me. I won big time.
Natalie: Are you gonna start singing?
Adrian Monk: I could! I almost could.

Roderick Brody: You know, to tell you the truth, I'm not so sure about that anymore. The woman I saw, maybe she wasn't Marilyn. My eyes aren't so great. I could've been wrong.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. You weren't wrong. It was her.
Roderick Brody: I'm just, I'm not convinced. I need some real proof. You know, last night was our anniversary and Marilyn surprised me. She bought us tickets. We're going on a cruise. Like a second honeymoon thing. I think we're in a good place.
Adrian Monk: No, no. You're in a bad place. You're in heartbreak hotel. Look at the next one.
Roderick Brody: Is that a spoon?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, look closer. See the reflection? See, that's them. That's your wife. That's your beloved wife. This is killing you.
Roderick Brody: I don't see it.
Adrian Monk: No, it's eating you up.

Adrian Monk: You know what I am gonna do though? I'm gonna do a cartwheel. I'm gonna do a cartwheel right here. You might want to stand back. It's my first cartwheel. That's perfect. Plenty of room there. Great. I'm gonna do it right here. What am I doing? A man's been killed, right? A man was stabbed to death.
Natalie: Yeah, that's what I've been saying.
Adrian Monk: This is no time for cartwheels. Why don't I listen to you?
Natalie: I don't know.
Adrian Monk: On the other hand, I have been waiting 40 years for this. I mean this is a moment to savor. It may never happen again. I'm doing the cartwheel. I am doing it. I can't do it. It's ghoulish! I mean, one man dead, another man going to jail. Am I a ghoul?
Natalie: No, you're not a ghoul.
Adrian Monk: What is a ghoul?
Natalie: I don't know.
Adrian Monk: I don't care! That is my arch enemy! One cartwheel. I gotta do it. I can't do it. Natalie, do the Cartwheel.
Natalie: What?
Adrian Monk: Come on, it's a good compromise. Cartwheel by proxy. And don't forget to say "wee." Gotta say "wee!"

Adrian Monk: Well, I've decided to really help you. Until now I've sort of been faking it. The truth is I was hoping that your wife was cheating on you. I was sort of glad when you got arrested.
Roderick Brody: You were glad?
Adrian Monk: Well I figured, it was payback.
Roderick Brody: For what?
Adrian Monk: For what? For- For what?
Roderick Brody: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: For seventh grade! For ruining my life! Weren't- Weren't you listening?
Roderick Brody: Are you talking about the swirlies?
Adrian Monk: Yes! Yes, yes, yes. You used to terrorize me.
Roderick Brody: Hey, you gave as good as you got.
Adrian Monk: What are you talking about?
Roderick Brody: You didn't just roll over like a lot of those kids. I remember. You called me names. You hurt my feelings. And you splashed me.
Adrian Monk: I splashed you?
Roderick Brody: Yeah, but I don't dwell on it. What am I gonna do? Hold a grudge for 30 years? I figure we're even.

Adrian Monk: I can't look. This is the worst comeuppance ever. You lied to me.
Natalie: About what?
Adrian Monk: Karma.
Natalie: You're blaming me for this?
Adrian Monk: Yes. Yes, I am.

Roderick Brody: Oh, I know she's lying. I just can't figure out why. I've been sitting here for two hours wrecking my brain.
Adrian Monk: Racking your brain.
Roderick Brody: Here's what I know, okay? I know I didn't do it. And I know she didn't do it cause I was with her all night.
Adrian Monk: Where did she get the knife. [walks towards mirror]
Roderick Brody: I don't know. Where did she get the knife? I can't figure it. Something's going on here but I... Are you okay?
Adrian Monk: That's me.
Roderick Brody: Yeah. It's a mirror.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God. She did it.
Roderick Brody: Who did what?
Adrian Monk: Marilyn. Your wife. Last night she was at the hotel. She killed Doug Fendle.
Roderick Brody: I feel like I'm in eighth grade geometry class here I don't understand. I told you I was with her. Was she with me or was she at the hotel?
Adrian Monk: Yes. And no. She was with you and she was at the hotel.
Roderick Brody: She was both?
Adrian Monk: Twins.

Captain Stottlemeyer: So how did you know?
Adrian Monk: Little things. They began to add up. When I first met her, she mentioned her aunt in Texas. She pronounced it "ant." This morning, she said...
Marilyn Brady: "My aunt is flying in tomorrow."
Adrian Monk: And the fingernails. Two days ago, she was biting them. This morning they were long and perfectly manicured.