Lieutenant Disher: Well, when you leave, use the west entrance.
Adrian Monk: Why?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Surprise.
Adrian Monk: What is it?
Lieutenant Disher: It's a surprise.
Adrian Monk: Well, what is it?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, if we told you, It wouldn't be a surprise now, would it?
Adrian Monk: No, I guess it wouldn't. What is it?
Lieutenant Disher: [to Stottlemeyer] What is it?

Adrian Monk: Natalie.
Natalie: I heard you might be looking for an assistant.
Adrian Monk: What about your job with the big promoter?
Natalie: Oh, Jim Paxton can make his own dinner reservations. He doesn't need me. I'm needed here.
Adrian Monk: I pay $900 a week.
Natalie: I am not taking a pay cut, Mr. Monk!
Adrian Monk: Then you shouldn't have quit.
Natalie: I didn't quit, you let me go! Oh, God, you make me mad! [scoffs] What are you looking for?
Adrian Monk: The captain said there'd be a surprise.
Natalie: I'm the surprise! I talked to the captain this morning.
Adrian Monk: Oh, good.
Natalie: What- What, you're disappointed?
Adrian Monk: No, I said, "Oh, good."
Natalie: Well, you sound disappointed. What were you expecting?
Adrian Monk: I thought it might be Joey Heatherton.

Lieutenant Disher: Okay, he's here. He's right out front.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. I'm ready.
Lieutenant Disher: What are you gonna say?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't know. I'll just tell him.
Lieutenant Disher: How do you think he's gonna take it?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't know. It's Monk. It'll probably get weird.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. I'm glad Natalie's with him.

Adrian Monk: I'm going.
Natalie: Oh, oh, oh, wait. Don't forget your lunch.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah! Oh, my God. Thank you.
Natalie: Wait, wait, your gun.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah! Yeah, that might come in handy. You polished the bullets.
Natalie: Yeah, you don't want to shoot anybody with a dirty bullet.
Adrian Monk: [laughs] Yeah, they might get an infection. [Natalie laughs] God, we're funny together.
Natalie: We are.
Adrian Monk: I know.

Natalie: Oh, look at you. Detective first class Adrian Monk, homicide division. I am proud of you.
Adrian Monk: I'm gonna miss you.
Natalie: No, no, no, don't talk like that. This isn't good-bye. No. No, no, no. We're friends, we'll- We'll talk all the time.
Adrian Monk: Right. About what?
Natalie: About how we feel, and what we're doing, and what we did that day.
Adrian Monk: Okay. I can do that.
Natalie: Okay.

Adrian Monk: What are you gonna do?
Natalie: Oh, I'll be fine. I have a job interview with Jim Paxton.
Adrian Monk: Paxton?
Natalie: The concert promoter.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Natalie: He's looking for a new assistant.
Adrian Monk: He couldn't do better.
Natalie: Well...
Adrian Monk: Well?
Natalie: I guess this is it. [laughs] [hugs Monk] Be happy, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Okay. I will.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, let's settle in. Uh, morning, everyone. I have an announcement to make. This is something I've been waiting to say for 12 years. Adrian Monk is back. [applause] Back where he belongs.
Adrian Monk: 70 years ago, Thomas Wolfe wrote, "You can't go home again--"
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, you don't have to say anything.
Adrian Monk: Thank God.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, now, I don't need to tell you folks how important this case is; however, we have caught a break. We've got a witness. A woman who lived down the hall from victim number five has given us his description.
Lieutenant Disher: Take one, pass it back. [hands the stack of paper to Monk]
Captain Stottlemeyer: We've got a rough sketch, here. As you can see, we're looking for a Caucasian male. He's short. No more than 5'4", 5'6" tall.
[Monk starts straightening up the stack of papers]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Um, he's, um... [paper tapping] He's, uh, in... [paper tapping] He's in his, uh, late 30s, early 40s. We believe that he is driving a, um... [paper tapping] And, uh, we... We believe that he is driving a station wagon. Monk. Monk, just take one and pass them on. They're perfect.
Adrian Monk: Just give me a second, here.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Um, folks, witness perfection. [laughs] Okay. Good job. Just pass- Just pass 'em on. Monk, just give me one.
Adrian Monk: Take- Yeah, take that one.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Thank you. Okay, Thompson, Harris, I want you to take this sketch. Work the pickaxe angle. Circulate that around every hardware store within 20 miles. People, we've got five victims on the wall.
Adrian Monk: [holding another sheet out] Leland. Leland.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Which is five victims too many. Yes. Um, where was I?
Lieutenant Disher: Five victims.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right. Five victims. By now it's probably six.

Captain Stottlemeyer: We found it in the basement. I had 'em bring it upstairs for you.
Adrian Monk: My old desk. Oh! [notices a nail in the wall]
Captain Stottlemeyer: I know, it's like it's been waiting for you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. [hangs a picture of Trudy] Ahh.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How do you feel?
Adrian Monk: I feel like I'm home.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You are home.

Adrian Monk: So I, uh, I thought I could start by reading the profiles of the five victims. And then I could visit the first crime scene.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Listen, Monk, you're not on the task force. Here's the deal. I promised the review board that I would ease you into it.
Adrian Monk: Wh- Wh- Ease me into?
Captain Stottlemeyer: They want you on desk duty for a while, just to get re-acclimated.
Adrian Monk: For how long?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Just a couple days. Maybe a week.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Then we're gonna move you over to Danny Weaver's squad. He's a great guy.
Adrian Monk: So I won't be working with you?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. Randy and I can't hold your hand anymore. That's protocol.
Adrian Monk: Sure.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's what you wanted, right?
Adrian Monk: Absolutely.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You'll be fine. I figured we'd put you on the hotline. Maybe you'll get a lead.