Sharona: Natalie, I have a question. Does he still eat the same thing every day for lunch? Well, wait, what is it? Turkey club, lightly toasted...
Natalie: Hold the lettuce, hold the bacon...
Both: Hold the mayo, five slices of turkey cut four ways on a square plate.
Natalie: Oh, my God. Half the time he sticks me with the check.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God, he still does that? I swear, I don't know how I survived on $950 a week. I don't know.
[Natalie turns back to give Monk an evil look]

Natalie: Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, yeah. I'm almost finished.
Natalie: You paid her $20 a week more than me?
Adrian Monk: She had a kid.
Natalie: I have a kid!
Adrian Monk: Her kid ate more.
Natalie: That's not fair, and you know it.
Adrian Monk: Okay, fine, I'll pay you the same. On one condition. When we go to lunch, don't talk to her. I mean, you can talk to her, but not about me. Don't compare notes. And sit at separate tables. And if she offers to pick up the check, for God's sake, don't argue with her.

Country Club Lawyer: Ms. Fleming, we represent the Eastdale Country Club. Now, our client would rather not drag this through the court for weeks or years. We understand that no amount of money could ever compensate for your loss. But we're hoping this will ease at least some of your pain. Think about it. Take your time. [hands Sharona a sheet of paper]
Sharona's Lawyer: We don't have to think about it. Whatever your offer is, it's not enough. Howard Fleming was in the prime of his life. Your client knew the stones on that staircase were loose. They'd been warned about it on more than two occasions. My client didn't come all this way to be insulted.
Sharona: [reads paper] Holy Jesus Palomino. Uh... We accept. No backsies.

Sharona: Adrian, you're going the wrong way. The car's over there.
Adrian Monk: It'll just take a minute. I want to see the crime scene.
Sharona: It's not a crime scene. Don't call it a crime scene.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, I don't understand. They both saw the accident. It sounded legit to me.
Sharona: Yeah, me too. Can't we just say it's an accident and get on with our lives?
Adrian Monk: Get on with our lives. Sharona, he was your uncle.
Sharona: I barely knew him. I met him twice.
Adrian Monk: [as the sprinklers go off] Oh, my God. It's my cuff.
Sharona: Oh, stop whining. It's only water. Just shake it off.
Natalie: Shake it off. Here. [hands Monk a wipe] Don't tell her I did this.

Adrian Monk: Natalie? Can I see that?
Natalie: Sure.
Adrian Monk: He didn't fall.
Natalie: What?
Adrian Monk: Look at this. Look. All the golf clubs are still covered. There's no golf club on the ground anywhere near the body. I don't think he was golfing at all. And look at this, he teed off at 7:10. He died at 7:30. How did he get to the 14th green in 20 minutes? Doesn't make any sense.
Natalie: Are you sure?
Adrian Monk: 72%.
Natalie: Ugh, you have to tell her.
Adrian Monk: I know.
Natalie: Are you gonna tell her?
Adrian Monk: No.

Sharona: [knocks] Excuse me, I'd like to lodge a complaint against one of your officers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What did he do?
Sharona: He hasn't written or called me in five years.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [laughs] Sharona Fleming. Get in here! You look fantastic.
Sharona: Thank you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: We've got regulations against public displays of affection, which I'mofficially waiving.
Sharona: It's so good to see you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's good to see you.
Sharona: Hey, I heard you got a new girlfriend. Congratulations. Oh, my God! You won the lottery!
Captain Stottlemeyer: I feel like I did.

Lieutenant Disher: Is she here? There she is. She is here. Wow, you look great.
Sharona: Thank you, Randy. [they hug] It's really good to see you, Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: And...
Sharona: And what?
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know, I'm just waiting for the punch line. You always used to set me up and hit me with a zinger.
Sharona: What, I did that?
Lieutenant Disher: Only all the time.
Sharona: Oh, my God, was I awful?
Lieutenant Disher: No, you were... Truth is, I missed it. Excuse me for repeating myself, but you look great!
Sharona: Thank you.

Sharona: This doesn't mean anything, cushions on a floor? You know what I say? I say that we keep looking.
We go back and we talk to the golf pro again. He was a witness.
Adrian Monk: No, that won't do any good.
Natalie: Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. Is this just about the money?
Sharona: Yeah, of course, this is about the money. Natalie, if this was a con game, if he fell on purpose, I won't see a nickel, Natalie.
Natalie: But it's not like you lost money. You're just back where you started.
Sharona: Which is broke! Which is trying to put my kid through college! Not everyone has zillionaire parents.
Natalie: Hey, hey, hey, I've never taken a dime from my parents.
Sharona: Well, then give them my number.
Adrian Monk: I hate this case.

Sharona: Ah, Perry Walsh, 904. Where you going?
Natalie: Ninth floor.
Sharona: The elevator's over here.
Natalie: Mr. Monk always takes the stairs.
Sharona: I know he always takes the stairs, I always made him take the elevator. It's good for him.
Natalie: Thanks, I appreciate it, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable.
Sharona: But sometimes he has to be uncomfortable, otherwise he'll never learn.
Natalie: I'm not his psychiatrist, I'm his assistant.
Sharona: Then why don't you try assisting him, instead of pandering to him?
Natalie: How about this? It's the ninth floor, right? Let's take the elevator up to four, and then walk up five flights.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, that sounds fair.
Sharona: Or we take the elevator up to level five and walk up four flights.
Adrian Monk: Can't argue with that.
Sharona: You treat him like a child.
Natalie: He's not a child.
Sharona: I did not say he was a child. I said you're treating like him.
Natalie: I'm being supportive.
Sharona: No, you're not being supportive. You're enabling him.
Adrian Monk: Okay, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna get on the elevator and take it up to 18 and walk down 9 flights. That way everybody's miserable.

Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. Walsh knew his wife was cheating. He found a letter or overheard a phone call. Somehow, he knew, but he didn't say anything. He kept it a secret. He began planning his revenge.
Perry Walsh: [o.s.] We've got orange juice if you'd like.
Adrian Monk: Juice is good.
Natalie: Fresh squeezed would be good.
Sharona: Keep going.
Adrian Monk: No! He's right there!
Sharona: Okay, get over here. Just get in!
Adrian Monk: I'm not getting in there!
Sharona: Keep going.
Adrian Monk: We're in a closet! I can't do this in a closet.
Sharona: Yes, you can! Just tell me what happened. Quickly.
Adrian Monk: [delivers the "Here's what happened" at double speed] The end. Can we go now?