Captain Stottlemeyer: So, you're gonna go to the uncle's apartment to check things out. And you're gonna take Natalie and Sharona. Can I give you a bit of advice man-to-man? Big mistake.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, you're- You're barely- You're- You're very- You're a fragile person.
Adrian Monk: Thank you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: These women are gonna drive you crazy. You're gonna have a breakdown.
Adrian Monk: I know!
Captain Stottlemeyer: I love Natalie, and I love Sharona too. They're both wonderful women. You got lucky twice. But together they're like bourbon and vodka. I love them both, but I can't have them at the same meal, because they don't mix. These women are so different, Monk. They're gonna tear you apart like a piece of saltwater taffy.
Adrian Monk: I know, I've been a piece of taffy all day. Natalie's been acting like Mary, Queen of Scots. She wants more money. I mean, she won't lay down in the dirt when I ask her. I'm losing her.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And it's only gonna get worse.
Adrian Monk: What do I do?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, you're gonna have to leave one of them here.
Adrian Monk: I can't. I can't choose.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well be careful.
Adrian Monk: Can I call you if it gets weird?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No.

Natalie: [opens drawer] Uncle Howie liked the ladies.
Adrian Monk: How do you know?
Natalie: [closes drawer] Just trust me. He liked the ladies.

Sharona: What are you doing here? Are you busy?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I'm due in court like ten minutes ago.
Sharona: I just need to talk to someone, and I just remember how good I used to feel after I talked to you.
Lieutenant Disher: Really? Walk me downstairs. What's going on?
Sharona: Adrian thinks my uncle's some kind of scam artist. We went to his apartment, there were pillows on the floor, and Adrian thinks he was practicing how to fall.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, that makes sense.
Sharona: It does?
Lieutenant Disher: Doesn't it?
Sharona: That doesn't mean he's a con artist. I mean, lost of pe- Lots of people practice how to fall.
Lieutenant Disher: Why?
Sharona: In case they fall. It's common sense.

Sharona: I do not know how you put up with him. I don't know how I put up with him. Actually, I do. I loved him. I swear, this was the best job I ever had. Every day was an adventure. Funny thing is, adventures are never fun when you're having 'em, you know?
Natalie: Sharona, I'm sorry.
Sharona: Oh, no, no. I'm the one who should be sorry. I was totally out of line. You're doing a good job with him. Natalie, you're really patient with him. It's more than I ever was.
Natalie: No, I'm not.
Sharona: Yeah, you are. You're a saint.
Natalie: Sharona, the reason why I can be nice to Mr. Monk and I can be patient with him is because you did the hard part. You were here right after Trudy when he couldn't even get out of bed.
Sharona: [sighs] I don't know, I think I might've been too tough on him.
Natalie: You needed to be tough. He was in a bad place. You got him here. You got him to me.

Adrian Monk: Okay, can I ask you a question? I have been wanting to ask you for a long time.
Sharona: Oh, sure, anything.
Adrian Monk: Um, that Friday before you left, you took a shirt to the dry cleaners, short, number four. Sharona, they said they never got it.
Sharona: That's what you've been waiting to ask me about?
Adrian Monk: It looked a lot like this shirt, but it was number four.
Sharona: No. You know what? I remember. I took it to your dry cleaner. And they were closed, so I took it to another one down the street.
Adrian Monk: Oh. [chuckles]
Sharona: So, Adrian, how have you been? You look great.
Adrian Monk: Thank you. Do you remember the name of that establishment, the other cleaners?
Sharona: No, I don't remember.
Adrian Monk: Do you have the ticket? I know, you always you know, put the tickets in your purse. Um...
Sharona: Yeah, but it's been five years. This is not even the same purse.
Adrian Monk: Oh, no.
Sharona: Okay, fine. Fine. [checks purse] You know what? It's not here. It's not here. But it might be in the garage at home where I keep all of my old stuff. So when I go home, I'll check for it.

Sharona: I mean, it's amazing. Even the apartment. It's exactly the same. It's amazing.
Adrian Monk: No, that's not true, actually. I switched to 75 watt bulbs in the hallway.
Sharona: Really?
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Sharona: Oh, that is something. No, that is real progress, Adrian. I am very proud of you.
Adrian Monk: I didn't like it, so I changed back.
Sharona: Oh.

Natalie: You sure you don't need a ride?
Sharona: No, no, no. My friend is picking me up.
Adrian Monk: Ah, Sharona, it was great to see you.
Sharona: You too, boss. You know, I have to say I'm gonna sleep a lot better now. The truth is, I was really worried about you, but not anymore. You're in really good hands. My ride's here. Get ready. Here comes the hug. [hugs Monk] Listen, I'm gonna come back in a couple weeks, okay? Got a lawsuit I gotta file.
Adrian Monk: I'll be here.
Sharona: I'm sure you will. Natalie, if things get too crazy, I want you to call me. Promise?
Natalie: I'll put you on speed dial. Travel safe.
[Monk and Natalie are surprised as Sharona's friend turns out to be Randy, who kisses her as he puts her luggage into his car]

Natalie: Come on. Let's go home. We'll make you dinner.
Sharona: Is Tuesday still chicken pot pie?
Adrian Monk: Why, what have you heard?
Sharona: Of course it is. I don't even know why I asked.

Sharona: A picture of Benjy. Can you believe it? He's looking at colleges now. The only question is can I afford to send him? That's always the question.
Adrian Monk: Look at him. He's all grown up. Where is he now?
Sharona: Um, he's home, working a summer job.
Adrian Monk: Is he anywhere near that garage?
Sharona: Adrian, I promise you, when I get home, I'm gonna check the garage. I promise you. But will you please forget about the ticket? [Monk signals the thought has left his mind] You haven't changed at all. Not at all.

Adrian Monk: Is it off? Is it off?
Sharona: Hold on, hold on.
Adrian Monk: Have you got it?
Sharona: Yeah, I'm-
Natalie: [enters] Morning, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: You got it? Ah! Natalie, I didn't hear you come in. It- I'm- It's not what you think.
Natalie: What's not what who thinks?
Adrian Monk: I can explain! All right? This is Sharona.
Natalie: Sharona Sharona? Oh, my gosh, I've heard so much about you. I'm Natalie Teeger.
Sharona: Oh, my God!
Natalie: I feel like I'mmeeting a celebrity.
Sharona: It's so nice to meet you.
Natalie: It's so nice to meet you.
Adrian Monk: I got this myself. Okay, she got me the wipe. It's just a wipe. I mean, come on. There's nothing going on. Sometimes a wipe is just a wipe. I'm talking too much. Am I still talking now? God, I'm still talking.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, it's okay if Sharona hands you a wipe.