Cameron: Speaking of starving children, here's my contribution. Six pair of jeans that don't fit me any more because I've lost 25 pounds. That's like one, two, three children's bowling balls.
Gloria: Mm, bravo.
Claire: Very nice.
Mitchell: Cam. Are- Are you really getting rid of all of these? I mean, they're almost new. It's... Well, what if you, um-
Cameron: What if I what, Mitchell? Put the weight back on?
Mitchell: No! No. No, what if you- You think of some creative art project that requires denim? You know, something farm or Kelly Clarkson-themed?
Cameron: Oh, I've already down so much with that motif.

Luke: Whoa! Where you think you're going with those?
Mitchell: Oh, these aren't for sale.
Luke: Hey, this is for charity. You know you're taking those jeans out of the hands of some needy, giant children.
Mitchell: You know they're not getting the actual jeans, right, Luke?
Luke: Oh. Right? Well, then how about a donation?
Mitchell: 20 bucks?
Luke: A hundred.
Mitchell: 20 bucks?
Luke: Sure. What's it to you if some kid gets sick bathing in poo river, Africa?

Man: How much for the ashtray?
Jay: I don't know. What's the tag say?
Man: Well, it says 50 cents, but there's a chip in it.
Jay: Well, that's why it's lying on a blanket on my lawn, next to some old corn on the cob handles.
Man: I'll give you 35.
Jay: You're wearing a $10,000 watch. You're haggling over 15 cents?
Man: You live in this place, and you can't let that 15 cents go?
Jay: Fine. 35.
Man: Can you break a 50?
Jay: Get out.

Claire: You don't have to buy a motorcycle if you don't want one. But don't blame it on me. I'm fine with it.
Phil: Seriously?
Claire: Yeah. Yeah, look, I know it's not the safest thing in the world, but it is sexy.
Gloria: Yes. I lot more sexy than that crazy machine you rode up on. Is that something that your doctor make you use?

Jay: All right, I'm gonna take this around back, unless you'd like to go for a test-drive.
Phil: Sure. Let's go. Not too fast. Precious cargo.
Jay: I'm not taking you, sweetheart.
Phil: I'm driving? Awesome!
[aside to camera:]
Phil: I'm terrified of motorcycles, but sometimes you have to do things to show the world you're still a man. Same reason I got that henna tattoo. Japanese symbol for "courage."

Jay: Now be careful. I don't want you to crash.
Phil: Aw.
Jay: I don't want the bike all scratched up.
Phil: Oh.
Claire: And don't be nervous. People make mistakes when they're nervous.
Phil: I'm not nervous. I've had bigger hogs than this between my legs. [drives off]
Jay: He really oughta run things through his head first.

Mitchell: Oh, where'd that come from?
Manny: It's my mom's. She's being very cagey.
Luke: We think something's stashed in the head. [under breath, singsong] It's from Colombia.

Claire: So what do you need here? A stool? Glass of water? How do we make this happen? Let's go. I need to see this.
Gloria: You see nothing. That pageant was one of the worst nights of my life. After weeks of rehearsing, I froze, and we were speechless.
Mitchell: Aw, and you lost.
Gloria: No. I won. Imagine this when I was 18.

Alex: It's an old curtain ring Michael saw over there. He braided three leather shoelaces around it and voila.
Cameron: You know, Alex, you and Michael remind me so much of me and my first girlfriend Annabelle Pickett.
Claire: Huh? You had a girlfriend?
Cameron: Yeah. Cutest girl in Sunday school, too. So one year, I asked her to go to the church bazaar lip sync contest with me, and we did our version of "Endless Love", which was ironic because two weeks later, I fell head over heels for a young square-jawed rodeo ticket taker named Woody Ray.
Claire: Oh, no.
Cameron: Of course, she was devastated, just destroyed her. And then she spray-painted something unrepeatable on my daddy's barn and never spoke to me again.

Jay: Where'd you get that?
Man: From the kitchen.
Jay: Give me that!
Man: You selling the pot-bellied pig?
Jay: Get out of my driveway. [to Stella] You're not a pig. You're Daddy's little girl.