Phil: Hey, hey, hey, hey. In 18 hours, Sho Nuff is gonna be rating our dance skills on a scale of one to "Dayum"!

Claire: Why is Stella here?
Jay: I was going to feed her at the hotel she's clearly in a bad way. She trashed the room. It looked like The Who was staying there. So, I'm gonna stash her in the guesthouse, brush her fur until she goes to sleep.

Mitchell: Where have you been? I turned around and you were gone.
Gloria: I was in Oprah's bed! Guess her sleep number.
Mitchell: I don't have to. I touched her. I touched Oprah!
Gloria: What?!
Mitchell: Well, technically, I brushed the edge of her gown with my finger. But look my cut's magically healed.

Jay: [aside to camera] Take it from me if you get a second chance at love, you grab it. After the trauma of losing her best friend, Norman, Stella's veil of depression was lifted by the promise of new romance. She realized she could love again.

Jay: You can't separate them, Claire. I'm taking that slipper home with me.
Claire: And risk Phil seeing it the next time we're at your house? Forget it. Stella's had her fun. This is over.
Jay: Why is this so hard for you to accept? Is it because it's a dog and a slipper?

Gloria: What is this?! Did you steal this candy dish from Oprah's house? [gasps] It has her initials engraved.
Mitchell: I couldn't help it. I wanted a souvenir.
Gloria: But you said that we couldn't bring any evidence in here, and you didn't even let me take the party napkin that had a cartoon of her hugging children of many colors!

Haley: Oh, my God! The tiara! It's cracked! Who did this?! I'll get to the bottom of this.
Manny: I don't care what some feeble-minded vulgarian says. Manny Delgado knows how to play the role of an inspector. I'll text everyone to come downstairs.

Manny: I'm sure you're wondering why I've gathered you all here.
Claire: Uh, the tiara's cracked. You told us in your text.
Manny: What I didn't tell you is that I've vowed to find out who's responsible.
Mitchell: Well, no, actually, you did. It was a fairly long-
Manny: Everyone's a suspect.

Phil: Don't look at me. I wasn't anywhere near it.
Manny: What a surprise Phil feigning innocence. You're just everyone's favorite Dad, right? Where were you when you got my text?
Phil: Cam's, uh, stomach was upset, and I was warming up some milk for him.
Jay: Claire saw a moose.
Claire: I did. And that's why we were on the balcony when you texted us.
Mitchell: Well, Gloria and I were in the den. I ran into her on my way out to my walk, and then we decided to watch the moon together.
Manny: The moon, huh? Seems unlikely given tonight is... moonless! [pulls back curtain, a full moon is clearly visible] No matter.

Manny: I once read about a moose that knocked a camper out of neutral. Perhaps the moose Claire saw earlier did the same thing here.
Haley: The hood's warm.
Manny: Then don't lean on it.