‘Wine Weekend’
Season 9, Episode 16 - Aired March 21, 2018
When the whole family stays in Haley's boss's country house in wine country, there is one rule: Don't touch the tiara. As Phil and Cameron secretly practice a dance routine, Jay and Claire sneak about with Stella, and Gloria and Mitchell attend a party at Oprah's house, Manny tries to get to the bottom of who broke the tiara.
Quote from Cameron
Manny: Now why would these chairs be out here, and how do they connect to the moose?
Mitchell: These footprints are in a really weird pattern. Why do these steps feel so familiar?
Phil: Cam and I were out here, um. We were in the kitchen, and we heard a raccoon outside.
Cameron: Yeah, yeah. So, we came out, we we grabbed a couple chairs to to to scare it off. We held held them up like this, and, um, chased the raccoon, but it ran into some trash cans and we were like
Both: Oh!
Phil: And then, uh, it ran up the court this way-
Cameron: Yep.
Phil: And then back a couple of steps and then forward again and then it did a little spin.
Cameron: Yep. That was it. And then it came back at us, and we were like
Both: Right, left. Right, right, body roll, and spin.
Phil: And then, it was just gone.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Hey. We were really in-sync talking through that raccoon chase. It felt like maybe we had our timing back again.
Cameron: It really did. Maybe we forgot dance isn't about the fame or or glory, but it's about telling a story that takes your audience on a journey that ebbs and flows.
Phil: Ebb and Flow. I think we just found our hip-hop names.
Quote from Phil
Claire: Phil, why didn't you just tell me?
Phil: Save it, Claire. I know you put the hit out on my bear slippers.
Claire: Those are just very unsexy.
Phil: Oh, 'cause you always dress so sexy? Let's check out this nightwear. [all gasp] Luke's junior high gym shorts, and the drawstring is an old shoelace.
Quote from Jay
Haley: Manny! Hey! Look what just fell out of Uncle Mitch's pocket!
Manny: A second candy dish?
Cam: Hold up. This is monogrammed. "M.O."? You went to Michelle Obama's without me? [Mitchell turns the bowl around, Cameron gasps] [high-pitched]
Cameron: You went to Oprah Winfrey's without me?!
Jay: Gloria, is this true? You know how I feel about Oprah. She changed my- Excuse me. She gave me the strength to change my own life!
Quote from Haley
Haley: Stop. Stop! Stop!! Have we all forgotten that somebody cracked my boss's tiara?! I could get fired!
Jay: Well, I touched it once, so I might have done it. I'll pay for it.
Phil: Hold on. Cam and I messed with it, too.
Cameron: I put it on my hand.
Claire: I tried it.
Mitchell: Me, too.
Jay: Okay, okay, obviously, everybody monkeyed around with it, so we'll all chip in.
Quote from Cameron
Both: Oh, my God!
Cameron: We have Michelle Obama's candy dish.
Mitchell: Oprah Winfrey has our number.