‘When Good Kids Go Bad’
Season 3, Episode 2 - Aired September 21, 2011
Mitchell and Cameron want to tell the family about their plan to adopt another child, but Lily isn't reacting well to the prospect of a baby brother. Jay thinks Gloria is covering for Manny after he took a girl's locket at school. Meanwhile, Claire is annoyed that nobody will accept she's right about Phil tripping her at the grocery store.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: [aside to camera] I have been told that I might have the teensiest issue with sharing. But is that something Lily would even pick up on?
[montage:]
Mitchell: My chicken.
Mitchell: My pillow.
Mitchell: Daddy's pen.
[back:]
Mitchell: Okay, it's possible. And I suppose for Lily's sake, I-I should work on that. Privately, because right now we really need to get Cam's coddling problem under control.
Quote from Claire
Claire: One night, if that. Trust me on this.
Alex: Oh, yes, because you're always right.
Claire: Sweetheart, I would love to be wrong. I just don't live with the right people for that.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Let it go, kids. She's not gonna budge. Kept me up all night with the-
Claire: Phil, you did push me!
Phil: Your word against mine. Guess it's one of those things we'll just never know, like what really happened to the "Titanic."
Claire: It hit an iceberg.
Phil: Maybe.
Claire: Mm, there's no maybe.
Phil: Oh, you're right, Claire.
Haley: Again.
Luke: Surprise, surprise.
Quote from Gloria
Jay: So, Manny, how'd it go with the principal today?
Gloria: It was terrible, but he was brave, and now it's over. Right, Manny?
Manny: Mm-hmm.
Jay: Mm. What'd they give you? Detention? Suspension?
Gloria: No, just a warning because it was first offense.
Gloria: So how was work?
Jay: Great. Just a warning, huh?
Manny: Like she said.
Gloria: So I ask about work, and you change the subject. Are you trying to hide something?
Jay: No, I just wanna make sure he's okay. You okay? 'Cause, I mean, it looks like you're sweatin' bullets back there, kid.
Gloria: Stop grilling him. First the principal, now you. This poor boy has been screamed at all day.
Manny: Well, not to mention-
Gloria: Quiet! I've got this.
Quote from Cameron
Gloria: Where is Lily?
Cameron: Um, she's getting dressed.
Claire: All by herself?
Mitchell: Cam is encouraging her to be more independent. And there she is! Doesn't she look beautiful?
Cameron: She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Mitchell, she's getting worse. I have turned her into a pushy, little, entitled monster on her way to a rap sheet and a bracelet on her ankle. Oh, she has a bracelet on her ankle.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Cam. Cam, Cam, This- This might not be entirely your fault.
Cameron: No, it is.
Mitchell: I spoke with Lily's teacher, and she thinks that- That she may have a problem with sharing, which she might have gotten from-
Cameron: You. You don't like to share.
Mitchell: No, I do it to make a point sometimes. Like, if you want the chicken, then order the chicken.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Can we please just get through the evening?
Cameron: Yes, but we are not making the announcement tonight because that is a joyful thing, and I am not feeling very joyful right now.
Mitchell: Well, I share your feeling.
Quote from Gloria
Jay: Just so you know, I'm on to you. You never took Manny to the principal. Okay, play it like that, but I know Manny. He has more of a conscience than you have. He's not gonna be able to live with this.
Gloria: You'd be surprised what people can live with, Jay.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Hi, miss Lily. How's my big girl doing?
Lily: Good.
Claire: Can you tell me how old you are now?
Lily: Three.
Claire: That's four. This is three. Okay, show me again. How old are you?
Lily: Three.
Claire: No! That many is four. This many is three.
Phil: Don't argue, Lily. You'll never win.