Phil: Okay, Claire. You're right.
Haley: As usual.
Claire: No, I am right.
Alex: Like always.
Claire: Stop it. When I am wrong, I admit it.
Luke: Which is never.

Jay: You're a little jumpy tonight, Manny. Anything wrong?
Manny: No. Well, I'm just gonna-
Jay: Have a seat, kid. You know, maybe it's me, but I thought you were kinda squirrelly tonight, you know, before when your mom was on the phone with the principal. Almost like you wanted to say something, but you just couldn't. Anything you wanna say now, Manny?
Manny: No. I have nothing to say.
Jay: You sure about that? Think real hard.
Manny: Could I get a glass of water?
Jay: That girl's locket, you took it, didn't you?
Manny: Um.
Jay: Didn't you?
Manny: Yes.

Jay: don't wanna hear any excuses. You're gonna tell your mom, and you're gonna set this right. Do you understand? All right, get out of here. Just one more thing. You're not, um... You're not wearing that locket, are you?
Manny: No. Of course not. It's a girl's. Why would I want to wear it?
Jay: It's... No reason.

Manny: Mom, hurry up! I don't want to be late for school.
Jay: You didn't tell her, did you?
Gloria: What's the hurry this morning? Okay, what's with the looks? It's like a silent movie in here.

Manny: Okay, I was walking behind this girl Alicia, who's moving away, and I was working up the courage to get her new address so I can write her. I express myself a lot better on paper than-
Jay: Tick-tock, kid.
Manny: Well, she dropped her locket, and I picked it up, but she kept walking, and I-
Gloria: You stole the locket. After I told the principal that you could have never done something like that, and I threaten him with the Colombian necktie! Manny, why?
Jay: Don't worry. It wasn't 'cause he wanted to wear it.

Jay: Listen, you can't control what kids think, but you can make sure he learns from this. You take him to the principal's office, he owns up to it, he never does it again.
Gloria: Okay. Okay. But what was he thinking? This is not even real gold. [bites the locket]

Mitchell: Good morning, princess. Good morning, Lily.
Cameron: That's very adorable, Mitchell, but I'm having kind of a rough morning.

Mitchell: Um, look, I-I-I know this is hard, but I really appreciate what you're doing. And believe me, I take no pleasure in seeing you suffer like this.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: I take a little pleasure. No, but there- There are very few parenting issues where I come out on top. You know, I'm distant. I work too much. My French braiding is "sloppy." Finally, you know, something that isn't my fault.

Lily: Ready.
Cameron: Okay. Could you please just go put her in her car seat while I compose myself?
Mitchell: All right, you know what, Cam? Why don't I just take Lily to preschool on my way to work?
Cameron: I think that would be best. Let me just whip up a smoothie for you before you go.
Lily: I push the buttons, Daddy.
Cameron: You certainly do.

Gloria: Now promise me that you will never, ever do anything dishonest again.
Manny: I promise.
Gloria: Okay, because that's not the way I raised you. Don't tell Jay anything, okay?