Dede: I don't know what just happened.
Dylan: I do. I mean, it seems pretty simple to me. You're reaching out, trying to hold on to something awesome.
Haley: Um, maybe- Maybe you shouldn't.
Dylan: Look, look, look, I'm not used to this, the whole big-family thing. In my house, we don't even talk to each other.You know, it's funny. The first time I saw Haley, I knew I liked her. I mean, she's beautiful and everything, but it's- It's not just that. It's that she's got this killer confidence. You know, the kind of confidence that you get from having a family like this, that's passionate and accepting of hot foreigners and gay dudes and nutty people. You know, a family that actually loves each other.
Claire: I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but maybe we should let her go with him.
Phil: He's perfect.

Gloria: Did Manny call?
Jay: No, because he's fine. It was a slumber party, not a gang fight.

Claire: Shh, shh, shh!
Phil: What's wrong? [looking at Luke and Haley] Why aren't they trying to hurt each other?
Claire: I don't know, but I'm afraid to move.
Phil: What is happening, Claire?

Mitchell: What do you think?
Cameron: Now, that is a scone.
Mitchell: No butter, nonfat.
Cameron: Shut up.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Well, my mother wanted to go to the wedding to show everyone how okay she was with all of it, so I convinced dad and Gloria to invite her.
Cameron: Who warned you that that was the worst idea ever? [raises hand] Anyone? Anyone? Oh.

Haley: [aside to camera] Yeah, Nana got totally wasted. Uh, it was really funny. Then it was gross.

Haley: It's totally supervised.
Claire: Oh, really? By whom?
Haley: By Spencer Patine's uncle.
Claire: Who's Spencer Patine?
Haley: You know Spencer, the guy with the arm.
Phil: Wait. What kind of arm? What does that even mean?
Haley: His uncle is Uncle Toby.
Claire: Oh, Uncle Toby. I'll be sure to include that in my amber alert.

Phil: Okay, can I step in here? I think I can help. Haley, what your mom is worried about is you getting your heart broken when Dylan goes off to college next year.
Haley: He's not going to college.
Claire: That's not what I'm even think- He's not going to college?
Haley: He's in a band, okay? They're going on tour.
Claire: Oh, this just gets better and better.
Haley: Why are you always on me about everything?!
Claire: Because you need to understand-
Phil: Okay, now, everybody, calm down. Let's start from the beginning. What's wrong with Spencer's arm?

Dede: I just can't give myself to him sexually.
Mitchell: Okay, mom.
Cameron: Did not see that coming.
Dede: Oh, don't get me wrong. We satisfy each other down there.
Cameron: Oh.
Mitchell: Yeah, don't want to-
Dede: That's why I need everyone's forgiveness. I need your help, Mitchell.
Cameron: Did you hear that, Mitchell? Your mom needs your help to make love to her new man, Chas. That's not weird at all.

Haley: Okay, mom just doesn't trust me, and it's not fair.
Phil: She trusts you. It's just that weird stuff happens at concerts. Boys get urges.
Haley: Ew.