Gloria: Why do I even bother? You don't care about this stuff.
Jay: What's that supposed to mean?
Gloria: Yeah, like when you proposed to me. "Hey, Manny, hand me that thing." That's my whole story.
Jay: Hang on. That wasn't my fault. I had something big planned.
Gloria: You asked him for the ring.
Jay: I was asking for the remote. He jumped the gun. He was supposed to give me the ring later that night at the restaurant. The waiter was gonna come by and offer coffee. I was gonna say, "No, thank you. It'll keep me up, and lately, I've been loving my dreams, and there's one in particular I hope comes true." Manny gives me the ring. I say, "Gloria-"
Gloria: Yes, Jay! Yes, I marry you! I love my new story.

Phil: Little heads-up, there's no way I'm not crying at this wedding.
Claire: Phil, you cried on the way here.
Phil: I was on the brink already. I watched "Dirty Dancing" before we left.
Claire: Yeah.

Phil: Text from my dad. Oh, no. He wants me to come visit him for a couple of days, but it's right in the middle of our kid-free week.
Claire: Oh, that's too bad. I guess you could take two days.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: I may have mentioned to Frank that Phil might be available that week. The only thing better than a kid-free week is a couple of days carved out just for mama.

Phil: Hey, you remember the day I proposed to you?
Claire: Of course I do. I don't remember the exact date, but, yes.
Phil: March 19, 1994.
Claire: Oh. Yeah. I was in such a bad mood that afternoon. I was on day two of a St. Patrick's hangover.
Phil: I don't remember that. I just remember how crazy in love I was. I couldn't wait to ask you. I even ran a red light on the way to pick you up. I still have the ticket.
Claire: No, you don't. Why would you save something like that?
Phil: Are you kidding me? I was racing to my life. It's in a box at my dad's with a bunch of other stuff. The program from that concert where I met you, the matchbook with the fake number on it you gave me, the souvenir goblet from our first date. You really think I'd throw away all those [British accent] beautiful memories, milady? I haven't seen that stuff for a long time. I got to dig it out when I see my dad.

Jay: Oh, that's from Manny. I was hoping to wait and give it to you in a couple of days. But, uh, just remember that he's fine. He's only a plane ride away.
Gloria: Nice. I'm going to wash my face. Okay. I hope that my cousins don't take him riding the horses or shooting the guns. I know that he's almost a man, but- [Jay sniffles] Jay?
Jay: "Make sure you take care of Jay. Please call me after his checkup on Thursday. I'll miss you guys so much."
Gloria: Nice, huh?
Jay: Nice? I'm gonna mail him his other robe.

Gloria: Ay. I cannot believe that my little baby's leaving me.
Jay: You know, I left the glass doors open downstairs. So right now, your actual baby may be leaving. Ahhh! One robe.
Manny: I guess we know what everyone will be talking about my second morning there.

Jay: [aside to camera] Manny is visiting Gloria's family for about a month, I hope. I just have to get him on a plane before Gloria has a meltdown and changes her mind. 'Cos if he doesn't go to Colombia, Colombia comes to me. It's happened before.

Cameron: [on the phone] Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Gloria: What?!
Cameron: Oh! It's Mitchell. We won.
Gloria: Ay, that's great! What we won?
Cameron: It's fantastic. We've waited so long.
Gloria: What did we won?!
Mitchell: [over the phone] The supreme court ruling. Gay marriage is legal.
Gloria: Ay! Congratulations! Thanks, Gloria.
Mitchell: Can I talk to Cam?

Jay: Gloria, Manny needs his birth certificate to re-enter the country. Any idea where it is?
Gloria: I don't know.
Cameron: Oh, that's right. He leaves today. You must be a wreck.
Jay: She's not a wreck. She's a rock. Now, looked, and it's not in the safe.
Cameron: This one had her first sleepover last week. I just had to tough my way through it.
Lily: He picked me up in the dark.

Manny: I can't find that birth certificate anywhere, Jay.
Gloria: Maybe it's a sign and-
Jay: It's a sign we need a refresher meeting on what goes in the safe. Here's a preview: no shoes.