‘Strangers in the Night’
Season 6, Episode 9 - Aired December 3, 2014
After Alex tells her parents she has a boyfriend, who they never seem to catch, they start to believe she has made him up. Gloria agrees to attend a dog birthday party after Jay agrees a picnic for a group of Colombians who are receiving their green cards, but Jay has a plan to get out of his side of the bargain. Mitchell and Cameron take great care to keep their luxury white couch in pristine condition, but they didn't plan on playing host to Mitchell's distressed co-worker.
Quote from Haley
Phil: Yeah, um, well, why don't you just text him and then invite him back for dinner?
Alex: I can't. He broke up with me.
Phil: Oh, no.
Alex: He's moving to Africa.
Claire: Because they need grocery models in Africa.
Phil: Honey, I'm so sorry. [to Haley] They broke up.
Alex: I miss him.
Haley: Oh, don't worry. Soon it will be like he never existed.
Quote from Manny
Gloria: What's going on with Joe?
Manny: He's a drug addict. After two hours of mind-liquefying "Zooboo," I briefly put on a classic movie, and he freaked out. If he could walk better, I'd seriously suggest a 12-step program.
Quote from Manny
Gloria: You know what? I should go back to that party. You guys want to come?
Manny: Might as well. They had a pretty good spread at Buster's bris.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Okay, let's get this woman into bed and, in the morning, out of the house as fast as we can. Honestly, I don't know how straight guys do it.
Mitchell: Probably without those hand gestures.
Quote from Mitchell
Brenda: Hey, guys. Here's an idea. What if I just slept on your couch in the living room?
Cameron & Mitchell: Eh...
[cut to Brenda snoring in their bed:]
Mitchell: I'm shaking.
Cameron: Why? Problem solved.
Mitchell: No, she's making the whole house shake.
Quote from Manny
Jay: Hey, guys. You're back? What's going on?
Gloria: I'm sorry. I love you, and you love dog parties. So that means that I love dog parties.
Jay: You don't think it's crazy anymore?
Gloria: I didn't say that. But Manny's right. We should get more involved in each other's activities.
Jay: So, this was your idea?
Manny: Well, it's sort of the foundation of any healthy marriage, but I did bring it up.
Quote from Jay
Jay: I wanted her to leave!
Manny: What?
Jay: She was supposed to storm out of here. And after, I go home and say, "Maybe we should do some things separately." I was gonna use her bailing out of this as a chip to get out of that stupid picnic tomorrow. But now I've got no chip.
Manny: Hey, how about next time you devise a plan to avoid expressing a feeling, clue me in.
Jay: You can't be clued in. You're a patsy.
Manny: Hey, um, there was talk of an ice-cream bone?
Jay: I made that up, too. Use your head!
Quote from Phil
Claire: Hey, honey, you alone?
Alex: Do you see anyone else in here?
Phil: Do you?
Quote from Phil
Alex: Oh, my God. You guys don't think Alec is real?
Claire: Sweetheart, I remember the pressure there was to fit in in high school.
Phil: So do I. And whether you try to fit in by saying you fought a baby bear or by making up a boyfriend...
Quote from Alex
Alex: F.Y.I., I changed my Facebook status to "single" about an hour ago, and guess what. I already have a date. You don't believe me, do you?
Claire: Sweetheart, you've had two boyfriends in 30 seconds. That practically Haley's record.
Alex: Well, he's real. His name is Teddy.
Claire: [holding the teddy bear on Alex's bed] His name is... Teddy?
Alex: Yeah. Teddy Keyes. [Phil grabs the keys on Alex's dresser]
Claire: Oh. And what do we know about this young man?
Alex: He's new to our school. He works at some mattress store. Uh, Mattress King. And he's a bit of a bad boy. He had a little problem with shoplifting. He spent some time in juvie. But, you know, he's not really my type. He's just a rebound. So I guess it doesn't really matter. Why am I even talking to you guys? Leave! [Phil picks up a leaf from Alex's bedside table] Get out!