Lily: I get nervous around you 'cause you're so cool.
Claire: [scoffs] That's really sweet. Wait, are you being mean?
Lily: No. Why does everyone always ask me that?
Claire: No one has called me cool in years. [quietly] Ever...
Lily: I love the way you don't give a damn.
Claire: Well, I do play by my own rules.
Lily: You do what you want. You don't care who you piss off or what anyone thinks of you.
Claire: This compliment is starting to sound a little bit like an insult.
Lily: Well, look who I live with.

Joe: Why don't you start off with something funny? A kid in my class does arm farts. [mimics farting] It's hilarious. Our bodies, huh?

Mitchell: Um, I-I could sit in for her.
Cameron: [chuckling] Oh, seriously? I don't think...
Mitchell: I can chug. Remember that time we went through security and I forgot I had a bottle of water in my bag?

Claire: Lily, I can't lie to you. It's not cool, and neither am I. Food trucks make me nervous. I leave voicemails. I prefer The Weather Channel to MTV. Is MTV still cool?
Lily: I've never heard of it.
Claire: I am not cool.

Bill: You're upset we made fun of the movie, aren't you? Hey, that's just what our generation does. We goof on things that scare us because of how much we love them.
Luke: Yeah. We wish there was a sequel.
Phil: [o.s.] There's actually two.
Bill: [whispering] Idiot. I'm not watching another one.

Dylan: Mr. D, I know that this might sound like the craziest thing ever, but are you upset because you want to see yourself as our Mr. Miata?
Bill: That's just dumb.
Luke: Yeah, don't waste one of our guesses on that.
Phil: [door opens] It's Miyagi.
Dylan: Told you.
Phil: It's ridiculous to say this out loud, but I guess I just wanted to feel like someone you guys could look up to.

Bill: The hardest thing about dating Alex... well, besides all the big words... is just knowing she grew up with a perfect guy in her life. It's pretty hard to compete with.
Dylan: That's what scares me about having kids with Haley. Even if I'm an awesome dad, I'll still fall short of you.
Luke: Try being his son, knowing you'll never measure up. It's no picnic. Which is ironic, because we go on a lot of picnics.

Phil: I just love you guys, and I want to pass on some of the things that I've learned. Like... Never try to take a tennis ball away from a raccoon. Or... Never go to play tennis with just one ball.
Luke: Good to know.
Phil: Or, you know, stuff like find the fun in every moment, find the good in every person, or never, ever be the one who doesn't do the wave. Those people die alone.
Dylan: Thanks, Mr. D-yagi.
Phil: I'm gonna need another minute.

Mitchell: Why are you in such a rush to get us out of here? Is it about me?
Cameron: No! It's about your clothes and your dancing and your drinking and your...
Mitchell: Okay, okay, okay, I get it. You're embarrassed of me. Y-You know, you're the one who's been asking me to come here for years.
Cameron: I really thought I wanted you here, but then, once you came here, I discovered that I don't really want you here.
Mitchell: [sighs] Wow, that is beyond...
Cameron: Okay, well, let me ask you. Did you have a good time tonight?
Mitchell: I was with you!
Cameron: Okay, answer the question.
Mitchell: No. No, the floor's sticky, I don't know a single song, and I'm not entirely sure Donna isn't your sister, Pam.

Jay: Thank you, Janet from Pomona, and to your little Pomeranian, Tony, I'd just like to say... [howls]
Linda: [laughs] I can't believe I'm saying this, but you might be weirder than the knife guy. [chuckles] [siren wails] Oh, look at that. You just sold your hundredth dog bed. How 'bout a little tail wag?
Jay: You don't have to ask me twice. [wailing continues]
[meanwhile:]
Claire: Good God, Dad.
Mitchell: We may have to make some difficult decisions soon.
[elsewhere:]
Bill: Wait, that's the guy you were afraid you couldn't live up to?
Phil: I know. Legend. [Jay barks]