Phil: Sorry about that. Took a minute getting Jay to his car. He saw a cloud that looked like his old football coach, and he didn't want to be alone.

Claire: By the way... I got a response to my Craigslist ad.
Phil: Oh. Oh, that was fast.
Claire: Yeah. Yeah, really nice couple, soon to be empty nesters... three kids, two new grandkids. Wife's a little high-strung. Husband's a bit of an oddball with an infectious lust for life.
Phil: They sound like weirdos. No sale.
Claire: Phil, I'm talking about us. We should keep the RV.
Phil: That is amazing. What changed your mind?
Claire: I think it was hearing all those stories tonight. And the kids'll be gone soon. We'll probably spend a lot of time on the road. Might as well do it in the height of luxury... with a carpeted bathroom and a four-in-one game table.
Phil: You're incredible.

Phil: You're amazing. What did I do to deserve a wife cool enough to let me keep my dad's RV and his newborn parrot?
Claire: His newborn what?
Phil: [kisses Claire] Mmmmmwah.
Claire: Honey, parrots live like 70 to 8...
Phil: Mmmmmm.

Cameron: That was not the call I was expecting.
Mitchell: Sweetie, I know. I-I saw the other coach celebrating on Instagram, uh, drenching himself in Gatorade... in the house. There was a rug. Who's gonna clean that up? Not him, I bet. I'm reading from your face that you didn't know until I just told you. Now I'm just talking out of nerves.
Cameron: Damn it! I... I didn't get it?! I mean, I know I'm hard to read, but I really wanted that job.
Mitchell: I'm so sorry. C-Come here.
Cameron: Wait, is that why you were selling California all night long to me? Because you wanted to soften the blow when I heard?
Mitchell: Yeah.
Cameron: Well, that is weirdly sweet.

Lily: He asked if I could go outside and get ice cream. Can I?
Cameron: O-Of course, yes. But just make good choices... about the toppings. Don't get sprinkles. They're just wax.

Mitchell: Uh, by the way, what was that phone call you got?
Cameron: Oh. Uh [chuckles] crazy. Our adoption agency.
Mitchell: From years ago?
Cameron: Y-Yeah, apparently, uh, they were migrating the database, and somehow, our profile got accidentally reactivated and... and somebody picked us.
Mitchell: Wait, picked us? A-As in there... there's a baby?
Cameron: I know. Wild, right?
Mitchell: W-Well, you... you told them no?
Cameron: Well, it felt wrong until I talked to you about it, but, yeah, I-I'll... I will. I'll tell 'em.
Mitchell: It was really fun telling those stories tonight.
Cameron: Yeah. Really puts losing a job in perspective. You know, none of our best memories have anything to do with work. They all have to do with that little girl right out there.
Mitchell: Well, you know, she's not so little anymore. Oh. Oh, I think we're about to have a hand-holding moment. [Cameron grabs Mitchell's hand]
Cameron: You know, we got pretty good at this parenting thing, didn't we?
Mitchell: Um... so, uh, we... we have to tell the agency tonight?
Cameron: Well, technically, we have 24 hours to, uh... decide.

Gloria: Jay. I'm sorry. I will never drug you again. But it was so nice to see you so open and honest.
Jay: Yeah, I was a regular "Honest Abe."
Gloria: Who's that?