Marjorie: Did you get my texts? Look what I've already confiscated. Oh, shameful.
Claire: I'll take that.
Marjorie: So, I still need volunteers to call parents for silent auction items. I've divided it into six-hour shifts, so if you switch ears every half-hour, it's actually not bad. Can I count on you two ladies?
Claire: I'm so busy, but I can't speak for Gloria.
Gloria: My phone English no so good.

Manny: I'm the one who made all this happen. Do you have any idea how hard it is doing all this for $8,000 Yeah, of course not, because-
Luke: Wait, wait, wait. The budget for this was $800. You spent $8,000? That's the budget for the whole year.
Manny: I texted you, "What's my budget for the Snow Ball." You replied $8,000, followed by a gratuitous gif of a guy getting hit in the nards.
Luke: It's like just don't skateboard down a railing, right? [chuckles]

Mitchell: Hey, Cam. Uh, do you know a kid named Damien Warmack?
Cameron: Oh, yeah. Mean little kid.
Mitchell: Yeah.
Cameron: He fat shamed my whole defensive line. There's nothing more sad than watching a once terrifying nose tackle pick croutons out of his salad.
Mitchell: Oh, God, I'm so conflicted. A gay kid is now bullying football players, which I guess, you know, seems like progress, but the wrong kind of progress.

Student: Would you like a-
Cameron: Oh! [tray clatters] In my defense, bruschetta mostly ends up on the floor anyway.

Mitchell: Cam, I think you might be more worried about this prank than you need to be.
Cameron: Well, I just don't understand why they want to prank me. I thought they liked me.
Mitchell: Of course they like you. You can't prank someone you don't like. That's that's just assault. But pranking you is their bizarre way of saying that they love you.
Cameron: Is this your bizarre way of not validating my feelings?

Damien: Hey, Delgado. I hope this punch isn't as watered down as your performance in "A Streetcar Named Desire to Hang Myself."
Manny: Damien, you're just... You look... Damn it, I hate how much I like that jacket.

Mitchell: I know what you're doing.
Damien: Excuse me?
Mitchell: I know how hard it is to be a gay teen. In high school, I only had one friend.
Damien: Really? What was Oscar Wilde like?
Mitchell: You're lashing out. Because you're angry and you're insecure, and you just want everyone else to feel as bad as you do.
Damien: Maybe. But come on. It must've been easier for you looking like Michael Fassbender.
Mitchell: Nah. I do not look like- You think I look like Michael Fassbender?
Damien: Yeah, if he were older and shorter and played by Kathy Griffin.

Mitchell: Hey, hey. That Damien Warmack kid is so mean. Honing in on these poor kids' insecurities and then just lacerating them. I-I don't look like Kathy Griffin, do I?
Cameron: I'll tell you what's mean, is my team making me wait all night for this damn prank.
Mitchell: Or, "Mitch, you're being ridiculous."You're a very handsome man, "and if you had to be played by a woman, "it would be a young Ann-Margret."

Marjorie: My mom doesn't believe that Principal Brown likes me. Can you tell her?
Claire: [sighs] Gloria?
Gloria: My phone English no so good.

Claire: Marjorie is smart and organized, and if you ever need hand sanitizer or a Band-Aid, she always has it on her. She's like a sexy, sexy drugstore.