‘Party Crasher’
Season 4, Episode 12 - Aired January 16, 2013
Jay and Gloria run around town as they try to throw a surprise party for Manny's fourteenth birthday. Meanwhile, Phil and Claire disagree over how to deal with the older guy that Haley is hanging out with, and Cameron worries that Lily is closer to Mitchell than she is with him.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: And then that smug Carol Chu was all, "You can't dig without an environment impact study." And them I was like, "Bam!" And then I slapped the study onto Charlie's desk, and Carol was like, "But... But... But..." and then I was like, "Chu on that!"
Cameron: You said that?
Mitchell: Well, not with my mouth. With my eyes and my swivel.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: [aside to camera] I'm an idiot. I know Cam's been struggling since he went back to teaching. The students, the faculty, none of it's clicking. The last thing he needed was me going on about my latest work triumph. And then it got worse.
[cut to:]
Lily: Come on, daddy. It's time for our wedding.
Cameron: What's happening?
Mitchell: Oh, Lily and I are gettin' married.
Quote from Luke
Luke: [British accent] This is very rare indeed. Geekus nerdipithicus in its natural habitat, alone as usual.
Alex: Mine!
Luke: Hey, give it back. Gloria asked me to record Manny's birthday. Mom!
Claire: Alex, give it back to your brot- Mmm, sorry. I tried to care.
Quote from Phil
Haley: This is everything I made at the boutique last week. I'm not gonna have any money left for me.
Phil: Should've thought of that before you got thrown out of school. You live here, you pay rent.
Haley: You used to be fun.
Phil: You used to be- What? Oh, yeah, at college.
Quote from Phil
Haley: Mom, this is Kenny. And, dad, you already met.
Phil: Uh, yeah. First of all, Kenny, sick ponytail.
Kenny: Oh, thanks, man.
Haley: Kenny designs jeans for our boutique.
Claire: Uh-huh.
Kenny: Oh! That reminds me. [to Phi] I got something for you. What are you, a 32-34?
Claire: What are you, 36, 38?
Phil: What are you, in my mind?
Quote from Claire
Haley: Kenny is kind of a big deal. What does that fashion web site call you again?
Kenny: A "Jean-ius." Spelled like "jeans."
Claire: Oh.
Kenny: Mortifying. And a "rack star."
Claire: Oh.
Kenny: Hey, what was the headline again? Oh, yeah. "He's denim-ite."
Claire: What an embarrassing week you've been having.
Kenny: I'm just trying to stay fresh creatively, you know? Made my bones in men's apparel, and now I'm working with these local boutiques Just trying to get into girls' jeans.
Claire: Phil!
Quote from Phil
Phil: There's no Phil here! These jeans just slipped on me so perfectly, my name must be pantsarella.
Kenny: Boom! Comfortable, right?
Phil: Like a diaper.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Excuse me. Mm. We're in a hurry. We have a birthday party.
Bakery worker: Oh, why didn't you say something? We don't see many of those around here.
Gloria: You think you can intimidate me with that attitude? What do I look like to you?
Bakery worker: 34!
Gloria: Thank you, but the point is that my son is waiting in...
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Okay, let's get your hospital band off.
Lily: I like it.
Cameron: Okay, that can be your "something blue" then.
Mitchell: Cam?
Lily: Daddy, I wanna drive my car.
Mitchell: A car? Oh. A car.
Cameron: Just a second, sweetie. Okay, does anyone know a reason why these two shouldn't be wed?
Mitchell: She's my wife.
Cameron: Okay, so by the power vested in me by the state of Candy Land-
Mitchell: And Utah.
Cameron: I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Quote from Luke
Luke: The gala celebration is only minutes away. Delectable refreshments, excited classmates, and what's this? The most beautiful sight of all?
[Luke films Lily, who in addition to her eye patch is now wearing a neck brace]
Lily: Go away!