‘On the Same Paige’
Season 10, Episode 6 - Aired October 31, 2018
Phil is worried his real estate class will be cancelled if another student drops out, so he pulls out all the stops to charm Paige, who happens to have a dinner date with Luke. Cameron feels Mitchell is too self-conscious when he refuses to perform at a school event. Meanwhile, Jay questions whether he's been flirting with a mom at the school.
Quote from Phil
Phil: What a great kid. That's why I chucked it all for a life in academia, Claire. [inhales deeply] It's a special feeling knowing that there's a young man walking around out there who you helped mold, who you can be proud of.
Luke: Hey, Dad.
Phil: Hey. You know?
Quote from Claire
Phil: You're up early.
Luke: What are you talking about? I hugged you from behind earlier. You know, I said, "I don't remember buying this six pack." Then you did that funny Eastern European accent... [Eastern European accent] "I don't want trouble. I just want to learn." [Chuckles]
Claire: Should we be concerned about group-molesting Serge?
Quote from Luke
Claire: And aren't you at the minimum number of students before they cancel your class?
Phil: Not to worry. Serge worships me, and the rest of the class is super solid. Plus, it's the last day to drop classes anyway.
Luke: Oh, speaking of that, I'm thinking about dropping history.
Phil: How come?
Luke: It's not really exciting me. Plus, we've got this huge paper due today that I haven't quite finished starting.
Quote from Claire
Luke: It's on the Monroe Doctrine.
Claire: The Monroe Doctrine?
Phil: Oh, no.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: Junior year history class, I wrote the perfect paper. Strong thesis, impeccable supporting arguments. I quoted from the letters of a White House footman who recalled Monroe calling to him from the bath, "Beauregard, fetch me my breeches. We have a doctrine!" I got a "C." [inhales sharply; to Phil] Oh, so you agree with that grade, huh? Don't patronize me.
Quote from Jay
Mitchell: Mmm. The food at the club has gotten so much lighter and healthier.
Jay: We had a run of angina attacks, so we had to go heart-healthy. We said goodbye to our social chairman, Herb, and our butter fountain in the same weekend.
Quote from Jay
Jay: So, if you're not rushed, you should treat yourself to our spa. You know, get a couple of, uh... a couple of standard treatments.
Cameron: Oh, well, you're so generous. Might I say you look very handsome in that shirt we gave you for Christmas. They also make it in "Queen's coral"... Oh, no. Did I spoil your birthday?
Jay: Sounds like you might.
Quote from Mitchell
Jay: The only reason we're paired together is because our kids are in the same reading group.
Both: Oo-ooh!
Jay: Damn it!
Cameron: [chuckling] I love when we "ooh."
Mitchell: We used to do that all the time, and then we stopped. Why?
Cameron: I don't know.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Joe! Why did I find your eye patch in the garbage?
Joe: I don't know. Were you throwing away another parking ticket?
Gloria: Okay, you have to put it on.
Joe: Why? My lazy eye is fixed.
Gloria: Okay, I'm over here, and it's only one more week. And you look tough, like a little warlord.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Okay, papi, but promise me that you're going to wear the eye patch the whole day.
Joe: I will. I can't believe you don't trust me.
Gloria: Two days ago, I caught you trying to copy a $20 bill in the printer.
Joe: Dad says I get to pick what we watch on TV when I start making my own money.
Gloria: Go to school.
Quote from Cameron
Aweemaweh: If you guys are ready, me and Julio will get started.
Cameron: Oh, by any chance, did you guys meet down by the schoolyard? ♪ Me... ♪
Mitchell: No... No. Okay.