‘Manny Get Your Gun’
Season 2, Episode 8 - Aired November 17, 2010
Before the family gathers at a restaurant to celebrate Manny's birthday, Phil and Claire race to get there the quickest, Jay and Gloria fall out over a set of missing keys, and Cameron and Mitch are distracted at a mall. Meanwhile, the birthday boy feels he's missed out on his childhood.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Eight minutes talking to the lady at the stationery store and still no present.
Cameron: You know, I think a new friend is like a present.
Mitchell: Yeah, I read that card too.
Quote from Cameron
Donald: [faintly] Helen! Helen! H-H-H-Helen.
Cameron: [shouting] Helen!
Mitchell: Oh, look at that. Another friend. Off we go. Very busy.
Cameron: No. Stop. You are too tied to your rigid schedules. You're missing life. It took all of two seconds to help this nice man.
Donald: Uh, well, w-wait. There's more.
Cameron: Two seconds.
Donald: Yeah. Tell her I'm so sorry. I've always loved her.
Cameron: [shouting] He says he's so sorry and that he's always loved you!
Donald: Please come up and talk to me.
Cameron: [shouting] Please come up and talk to him! His life would be empty without you! [normally] I'm sorry I'm going off script. It just felt right.
Quote from Cameron
Donald: Oh. Too late.
Cameron: No. You know what? Give him your cell phone. I'll chase Helen down and give her my phone. They can hash it out.
Mitchell: Are you- Are you serious?
Cameron: Yes, I'm serious as a heart attack.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Maybe if you had a system for where you leave things.
Gloria: I have a system. I put down things, then I remember where I put them.
Jay: And that would preferable to, say putting them on the key holder which just happens to look like a large key?
Gloria: Stop screaming!
Quote from Manny
[Manny is combining various soft drinks]
Jay: What are you doing?
Manny: Turning back the clock. [drinking combined drink; Jay puts keys into Gloria's purse] Disgusting.
Jay: Don't judge me. You've never been married. This never happened.
Manny: I don't know what you're talking about.
Jay: That's a good man.
Manny: Boy. I'm a boy!
Quote from Mitchell
Donald: [coughing, spluttering]
Mitchell: You all right? You okay?
Donald: Well, why do you ask?
Quote from Mitchell
Donald: I dropped your phone.
Mitchell: Yeah. I was here when it happened.
Quote from Cameron
Helen: Oh, it's nice that you care so much about us.
Cameron: Without love, we're nothing.
Helen: But what about his wife?
Cameron: It was a pleasure meeting you both.
Quote from Luke
Claire: I get it, Luke. You think he's the fun one. That's why you'd go with him.
Luke: What?
Claire: You think your dad is more fun than I am.
Luke: Definitely.
Claire: Definitely.
Luke: Dad's, like, crazy fun.
Claire: Mm-hmm.
Luke: But you're nice.
Claire: I'm nice?
Luke: Well, not now.
Quote from Phil
Phil: What do we call Daddy's car, girls?
Haley & Alex: The cone of trust.
Phil: The cone of trust. Exactamundo. Where you can speak your mind with no judgment. So what is it? Boys? Your bodies are changing? Eggs?
Alex: No! No. We were just thinking that maybe-
Phil: Mmm?
Alex: If- If you're open to it-
Haley: Dad, we love you, but we do not want to go to family camp this year.
Alex: Dad?
Haley: Are you upset?
Phil: No.
Haley: Then what was that sniff?
Phil: Sniff? What sniff? I'm-I'm, uh I'm actually relieved. The day that I've been dreading uh, the day when you two finally outgrow me has finally arrived and I'm handling it really well.
Haley: Dad, are you crying?
Phil: Nope.