Alex: Are you sure you're okay?
Phil: Yep.
Haley: Oh, my God, he is crying.
Alex: I've never seen Dad cry before.
Haley: But, Dad, if you cry, then I'll cry!
Phil: I'm not crying.
Alex: We made our daddy cry!
Phil: You called me Daddy!
Haley: Because you are our daddy!
Phil: I'll always be your daddy!

Jay: Manny! Manny? What the hell? Where'd that thing come from?
Manny: Christmas. Two years ago. Never took it out of the box. "Who would enjoy that?" I thought. A kid, that's who.
Jay: Well, come on. We've got your party.
Manny: What's the point? You were right. I-I was born 16. I've lost my childhood.

Gloria: Why did you want me to look again in my purse, Jay, huh? Is it because you put the keys in there?
Jay: No. Why? Did you find them?
Gloria: Yes, I found them because you put the keys in there!

Gloria: Manny, what the hell are you doing there?
Jay: He wants to cancel his party because he missed his childhood.
Gloria: The party that I have rescheduled three times changing the restaurant twice so that the whole family could be together?
Manny: Please send my regrets. Now if I could have a little privacy.
Gloria: Privacy? Esa es la que me faltaba a mi! Privacy en esta casa!

Cameron: I know that face, Mitchell.
Mitchell: And we're walking.
Cameron: I'm sorry. It means you were right and I was wrong for trying to help two people.
Mitchell: Adulterers?
Cameron: Fair enough.
Mitchell: Actually, the most adult adulterers ever.

Cameron: What is this?
Mitchell: I don't know.
Cameron: Excuse me, Constable. What is going on?

Cameron: Oh, it's a flash mob! It's a flash mob! Oh! We saw it on YouTube. Remember? People get together and choreograph big dance numbers.
Mitchell: We should go. This is kind of weird.
Cameron: No, this is joyful, Mitchell. You, of all people, should-
[Mitchell starts dancing in the flash mob; aside to camera:]
Mitchell: Cam's right. I can be a little rigid. So when Chad from accounting, who I always thought was gay but apparently is not... Um, told me about this flash mob, I thought, hells yes! Uh, we've been practicing after work a couple of nights a week. And it's it's been a big commitment, but it's totally worth it. This dance is my love letter to Cam.

Luke: You do fun stuff. You do fun stuff. You put that potato chip in my sandwich. That was a crunchy surprise.
Claire: Nope. That was your dad. Everything fun is your dad. Second Christmas, Italian accent night, this race.
Luke: Which we could've won. Your way is way faster.
Claire: It is, isn't it? Buckle up, Luke. Today you have two fun parents. [pulls out]
Luke: Come on, Mom. You can do it.
Claire: That's right, I can.

Cameron: I appreciate the gesture, and I'm not proud of how I'm feeling right now but the fact is, you cheated on me.
Mitchell: In what way did I cheat on y-
Cameron: You cheated on me with choreography, and that is the worst kind.
Mitchell: Okay. Well, it really isn't.
Cameron: You danced without me, Mitchell!

Phil: If I'd known it was my last summer there, I'd have gone for the lead in Pippin.
Alex: Dad, look up ahead, coming at us. There's Mom! Beat her!
Haley: I don't think he's in the mood for that right now.
Alex: Hold on. No. If ever a man needed a win, it's this man.
Haley: What do you say, Dad?
Phil: Okay. This one's for family camp.